Everything or Nothing
by Tomatoes00
Summary: What if Harvey made the wrong choice? Set after 7x13. #Darvey
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

It had been a long day. Heck, it had been a long week, and Harvey Specter was hoping for some good news. He had just spent the last two hours in a senior partners meeting, discussing their quarterly results and drawing on all his will power not to up and walk out when Louis tabled a proposition to change the brand of the bran bars they stocked in the kitchen. The entire meeting, Harvey was preoccupied with only one concern. Paula had given him an ultimatum. Her or Donna. It was something that had caught him by surprise and frankly, he had never considered his relationship with Donna to be a problem. But time and time again, it keeps getting brought up as an issue. With Scottie, with Donna's ex boyfriend, whatever his name was. And now again with Paula. He guesses perhaps it shouldn't have been a surprise then. And her kissing him didn't really help matters.

He had spent the entire day trying to figure out a way out of it. He was Harvey Spector for god's sake. He makes a living making the impossible happen for his clients and he was damn good at it. But Paula's ultimatum was black and white. Either Donna leaves the firm, or their relationship ends. And he couldn't find a way around it. But the second most capable person in the firm to make the impossible possible was the subject of his dilemma and she may have found a solution. And he's hopeful that she has pulled through.

" _Do you think I don't hate this? Do you think I haven't racked my brain trying to figure out some other way out of this? Because I have Donna, and I don't see one!" He looked at the redhead in front of him with an air of desperation and admission of defeat. He did not admit defeat often and it was killing him._

" _Maybe I do" she replied, before turning on her heel and walking out of his office with a sense of purpose and determination._

Harvey strides down the hall and into his office. He reaches for the phone on his desk, ready to dial Donna's number, needing to hear some good news. That she's fixed it. Fixed it like how she has fixed his life every day for the past thirteen years. His hope is shattered as he notices the letter of resignation on his desk. Fuck. With every sentence he read, his chest grows tighter. She couldn't fix it.

He raced out of his office and barged into hers next door. Everything that made the office hers were gone. Her mug with the stupid Shakespeare pun was gone. As was the pot plant she kept on her windowsill and the trinkets she kept on her shelves that gave the office the Donna touch.

This was it. If getting out of it didn't work, this was his choice to the ultimatum, right? Paula was his first chance in a long time to have a proper, grown up relationship. He was no longer in his 20s. Hell he has even said goodbye to his 30s. For the longest time, Harvey has only had one goal, to be the best goddamn lawyer in New York. But he sees what his brother Marcus has with his wife and his kids. He sees how his family looks him and he wants that too. Donna's departure will allow him to have this, right? He tries to justify this to himself, convince himself that this for the best. But why does it feel so wrong?

...

He could count on one hand the number of times he has come face to face with door bearing the numbers "206", and each time represented a significant development in their relationship. Tonight will be no different. The past 45 minutes were a blur but judging by where he was currently standing, he must have left the office, jumped in the first cab he could find and directed the driver to her apartment block. He raised his fist and knocked three times. It didn't take long until he heard feet shuffling towards the door inside. The door opened slowly and suddenly they were face to face. Harvey releases a breath he didn't even realise he was holding.

As soon as she heard those knocks, she knew exactly who it was. She half expected him to visit that night. In fact, she expected him around 15 minutes ago so he's a bit behind schedule. She looked at his face and swears he had aged five years in the past week. His usual confident posture was non existent, causing him to appear half an inch shorter. Her heart dropped, knowing that she was the reason why.

"Can I come in?" he asked softly, gazing at her with those soft brown eyes.

She nodded and opened the door wider, inviting her former boss inside. They silently made their way into her living room where he took a seat on her plush, grey couch. No words were needed between the two. They had been the closest person in each others lives for the past thirteen years. And they both knew that things will now never be the same. She pours them both a glass of scotch, from a bottle she keeps at her place that she only drinks when he's visiting, which isn't all that often. She sits down beside him and hands him a glass, watching as he downs the whole glass in one go.

"I'm sorry" he chokes out as his swallows, staring intently at his empty glass. He doesn't have the courage to look at her. "I'm sorry that this is how…it has happened."

"You mean how we end things between us?" she challenges. "How I'm essentially forced out of my job, my family at the firm…out of your life?"

He looks up at her with pain etched in his face. It's killing him inside too. He looks back down at his glass, almost in shame, as they continue to sit in silence. After years of banter and flirting and bickering and telling each other everything that's going on in each others lives, both were now at a loss of words. What happens now? Will they see each other again?

"Does Paula know that you're here?" she asks, breaking the silence.

"No, her sister's in town for the week. They've gone to see a Broadway show. She's not expecting me tonight" he responds. He raises his head and looks her in straight in the eyes. Suddenly something shifts inside him. Maybe it's the scotch, which he downed too quickly, hitting his bloodstream and clouding his mind. Or maybe it's hitting him that he's saying goodbye to the most important woman in his life for over a decade. His eyes darken as he reaches to caress her cheek and rests his forehead on hers. She closes her eyes as they fill with tears before spilling over, running down her face and wetting his hand. They stay frozen in position for a moment, the only movement in the room being their breaths caressing each other's lips. It's not certain who made the move but slowly the gap between them vanished and their lips brushed together again for the second time in a week. Only this time, both parties were in consensus.

All rhyme or reason flew out the window. Right now, it didn't matter that this was the very reason why they got caught up in the mess to begin with. It didn't matter that she resigned a few hours ago. And it didn't matter that there was a Paula. The only thing that mattered was each other and right now that felt right.

Donna slowly pulled back and opened her eyes, and stared at him through her drenched lashes. Grabbing his hand, she stood up and led him towards her bedroom. An unspoken truce passed. Both know that tomorrow everything would change. But tonight, they would cherish each other like they did thirteen years ago. Both know that he will wait until she falls asleep before quietly leaving her apartment. And when she wakes up tomorrow morning, she will be alone. Because tonight is goodbye, and tomorrow, their new lives start, without each other.

Donna wishes she could say that when she woke the next day, she continued her usual Saturday morning routine with her weekly yoga session before having breakfast at the café around the corner. She wishes she could say that as an independent, strong woman, she brushed her feelings aside and carried on with her day. But instead it still hurt when her expectation came true and she woke to an empty bed. It still hurt when he didn't call or text or even leave a damn note. And it hurt as she stayed in bed all day, crying over losing Harvey Specter.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Donna lay awake in her bed, staring at the ceiling, contemplating her next move. It was Sunday morning and she had spent the better part of the last 36 hours in bed, crying more than she had done in the past 6 months. There may have also been a few sappy rom coms and a pint of Ben and Jerry's thrown into the mix too.

When she left her resignation on Harvey's desk two days prior, she didn't really have a plan on what she was going to do come Monday morning. Living in New York City, with her taste in fashion, meant that she couldn't stay unemployed for long. Her job at PSL paid damn well. Sure, she had the job offer from Stu, but the finance world didn't really appeal to her. And the fact that Stu's office was on the same block at PSL meant that she would inevitably run into Harvey regularly, which she cannot handle after the way they left things. Reaching for her phone, she opens up her list of contacts and scrolls through, hoping to find a name that can help her with her predicament. A minute later, she finds the perfect name and makes the call.

"Hello Jessica, it's Donna."

"Donna! How have you been? I haven't heard from you in a while. How are things in New York?"

"They've been better, I have to admit," Donna slightly hesitates. She had never worked directly for the former managing partner of PSL, but she knew that Jessica always respected her as an employee. "I've decided to move on from Pearson Spector Litt, and was hoping whether there are any opportunities at your firm in Chicago?"

"Donna, that's very surprising news. Do you mind me asking why? How is Harvey taking the news?" Jessica asked, quietly concerned at the revelation. Harvey and Donna had always been a package deal and she had never seen two people more loyal to each other.

"Umm, it was a personal decision, I'd rather not go into it in too much detail. And with Harvey, let's just say that he is in consensus with me moving on," choking out the last bit. Suddenly she felt the emotion rising in her throat, hitting her like a tidal wave as she finally acknowledged it out loud. She had given her all to Harvey for more than a decade, both professionally and personally. Yet he had found it so easy to drop her for a woman that he had been seeing for a few months.

Jessica felt her pain half way across the country. "Donna, you had always been a huge asset to the firm, anyone could have seen that. I won't press you about what happened but Harvey is a damn fool if he's letting you go. Business here is starting to ramp up and I have brought on a few new senior partners recently. We would be so lucky to have you join us as our COO."

It wasn't until she felt the tickle on her chin that Donna realised that she had tears streaming down her face. The past week had been an emotional roller coaster and her life had been turned upside down. But for the first time that week, she left a sense of relief and calm wash over her.

"Thank you Jessica, you have no idea what this means to me. Am I able to have two weeks to wrap things up here before I start?"

"Absolutely. Us women need to look out for each other. I will talk to you soon to iron out the details and I'll see you in two weeks," Jessica replied.

Donna lowers the phone from her ear and for the first time in a long while, she has a smile on her face.

...

Louis struts out of the elevator on level 50 on Monday morning with a spring in his step. To say he was in a good mood was an understatement. He had spent the weekend reconciling with Sheila and he had just reached platinum status on his mudding membership, which meant he can now take a friend for free on his mudding sessions. Talk about perfect timing!

He shoots Gretchen a grin as he passes her desk, "top of the morning to you Gretchen!" She shoots him her signature glare before returning to her screen. Unlike most secretaries, who organises their boss's client meetings and the occasional dinners, Gretchen spends every Monday morning coordinating Louis's extra curricular schedule, including his mudding sessions, his therapy sessions and his cat's day spa schedule. She was close to finalising the week before she hears Louis belt out a string of obscenities before storming out of his office. So much for his good mood.

Louis barges into Harvey's office at the end of the hall, marching up to him with accusing finger extended in front of him.

"DONNA'S GONE?" he screams. "WHAT DID YOU DO HARVEY?" Louis's face starts turning purple and he could feel his neck pulsating as the blood fills his face.

Harvey looks up from his desk, seemingly unfazed by Louis's attack. "She resigned, she's decided to move on."

"Like hell that's all that happened! I was having a superb morning until I open my emails and read her goodbye message! What the hell happened Harvey?"

Before Harvey could answer, Mike and Rachel come rushing in as well. Looks like her email made the rounds, he thought to himself. Suddenly all three of them were in a frenzy barking questions at him, with a mixture of fear, confusion and anger in the air.

He had been a wreck all weekend and was glad that Paula was preoccupied with her sister. It gave him some breathing space to process what he had just transpired. He texted Paula on Saturday to let her know that Donna was leaving the firm. "Good" was the text he received in response.

He was the first one in the office that morning, after laying awake all night, unable to find the sleep he desperately needed. He spent all night thinking about what the office would be like without her. Giving up on the prospect of sleep at around 5am, he decided to bite the bullet and make his way into work and settle in before everyone else arrived. It was exactly 15 steps onto level 50 when he started to feel it. First came the cold sweats, before the vertigo and the muffled hearing. He had barely made it to the men's room before he threw up in the closest toilet bowl. It has been over a year since his last panic attack though it wasn't a huge shock that they were back, considering what triggered them last time. It took him a good half hour to calm his nerves and clench onto some sense of emotional stability. He has been at his desk ever since, trying to distract himself with work, holding on for dear life that he doesn't succumb to the anxiety spiral again. And at present, these three weren't helping.

"ENOUGH!" he snapped, rendering the others silent. "She is entitled to move on, she's not bound to this firm. She got a job offer from Stu, so she'll be in the next building over. You'll see her all the time!" He averts his eyes from the group and tries to concentrate on his screen.

The three look at each other with silent concern, unsure who was going to break the silence. And break the news.

"Harvey…" Mike hesitates, taking one for the team. "She's not going to work for Stu, she's moving to Chicago."

So much for that emotional stability.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Harvey unlocks his front door and walks through the threshold, exhausted but ready for a nightcap and hopefully an early night. After a night of no sleep, 12 hours in the office and two panic attacks, he is ready to drown a couple of glasses of scotch and crash. His plans are faltered as he realises that the lights are on and hears the sounds of his TV streaming through from the other room. Paula is over tonight.

He turns the corner and sees the blonde curled up on his couch, with a glass of wine, watching the news in his living room.

"Hey stranger," she looks up at him with a smile.

"Paula, I wasn't expecting you," Harvey replied, with a hint of annoyance though he tried to come off as pleasantly surprised.

"I dropped my sister off at the airport this afternoon and hadn't seen you all weekend. We have some catching up to do," she stood up from his couch, walking up to him with a seductive look on her face.

She was in a great mood. Her ultimatum was a huge risk. She knew Harvey and Donna's history and the importance of her in his life, both at work and personally. There was a high chance that he would have broken it off with her to keep Donna in his life however it was a chance she needed to take. There was no way she could have continued, knowing in the back of her mind that he was spending 80 hours a week working with a woman who she was certain had feelings for her boyfriend. But now he's all hers. And she was ready to celebrate.

Harvey took her into his arms, gave her a quick peck and a sad smile. She was all he had left. The only one willing to be with him, to take the plunge with him, who wanted everything with him. She was his only sure bet and he needed to ensure she wasn't going to leave him. Not like the others in his life. He could still feel the anxiety bubbling in his stomach, a feeling that had been there all day.

"Marry me." He blurted out, before he realised what he was doing.

Paula pulled back in surprise and looked him straight in the eyes. His eyes had always been a transparent window into his soul, they could never lie. All she could see was fear, and hope, and a touch of sadness. As with any other girl, she had imagined as a child how she would be proposed to when she found the one. She had always imagined a romantic environment, perhaps some flowers, but at the very least, her proposer to look at her with love and happiness. Oh, and also a ring. This was not what she had visualised.

"Harvey, are you sure?" She replied, curious to see what brought this on.

"Paula, you're the woman in my life that I want to spend my days with. I don't want to wait anymore. I want someone to share my life with," he explained. "Marry me?"

She bit her lip. It wasn't the response she was hoping for. But she had been wanting this for a long time. He was handsome, successful, rich, and he wants to marry her. He chose her over Donna for goodness sake. That must mean that he loves her, right?

"OK, lets get married," she replies with a small smile, and reaches up to embrace him.

Harvey holds onto her for dear life and lets out a sigh of relief. She doesn't fit his frame exactly right and her hair doesn't smell like the vanilla he's been used to for over a decade, but she's here, with him, and willing to marry him, and that's all that matters right now.

...

Donna had spent the day planning out her next two weeks. She had put her years of secretarial experience to use and scheduled in visits to all her favourite NYC spots, from the parks, to the museums, to all the restaurants, cafes and eateries she needed to have one last time before she moved from the city. It was almost 7pm before she was finished and was ready to start making dinner when her phone rang, interrupting her process. She glanced at the caller ID before answering.

"Rachel," she answered. "Surprised you didn't call earlier," she grinned, knowing her former colleague was dying to call as soon as she read her email.

"Yes I was going to but Mike and Louis went into a panic about your news and then I got pulled into what felt like a dozen client meetings back to back. Now is the first time today I've found to call you," she started rambling. "What happened Donna? Can we meet and talk? I can't believe this is happening!"

Donna has always been grateful for her friends and family at PSL. Both Louis and Mike had also called her today in a panicked frenzy, asking for answers, checking that she was OK. She could only explain to them that it was time for her to move on and Jessica had an opportunity for her. Neither were convinced but they didn't press her. But Rachel was different. She's her best friend and if there's anyone that she wants to confide in, it would be her.

"Absolutely. Come over when you're done with work today. Just give me a text when you're leaving the office."

"Perfect Donna. I might be here for another hour or so but I'll be there as soon as I can get away. See you soon," the young lawyer replied.

"Ok, bye," Donna responded as she hung up.

Rachel returned her attention back to the piles of files on her desk, determined to smash out her work as quickly as possible so she can leave and check up on her friend. She was an hour in and making some significant headway when she is interrupted by Mike barging into her office. He was breathing heavily, indicating that he had sprinted to her office to deliver whatever news he was about to announce.

"What's wrong Mike?" she asked, concerned at his demeanour.

He stood there, taking a few more breaths, before responding "Harvey's engaged." He stated, with a blank look on his face. "To Paula. He just texted me the news."

Rachel pursed her lips in a thin line, until they were almost non-existent. She was uncertain how to take this news.

"Rachel, something major happened between Harvey and Donna, I'm certain of it. But neither of them are talking. Harvey had never mentioned that he was thinking of proposing. And had Donna ever eluded to you that she wanted to move on?" Mike asked, attempting to make sense of the situation.

Rachel shook her head. "Of course not. I'm heading over to Donna's after I wrap up here. Hopefully I get some answers, I'm very concerned about her."

Mike nodded in response, before leaning over her desk and giving her a kiss on the forehead. She was always putting the needs of her friends above hers and made sure that everyone was OK. "I'll see you at home afterwards then. Good luck. I'll work on Harvey, see what's going through that man's head," he smiled before leaving her office.

Rachel let out an exasperated sigh as Mike left. There was no way she was going to able to concentrate after that bombshell, so she decided to call it a night, pack up and head over to her best friend's apartment.

...

Donna opened her front door to her former colleague a short while later. "Come on in my friend," she said as she stepped aside.

"I hope you're feeling like merlot; I stole it from the partners' lounge before I left." Rachel lifted up the bottle in question as they made their way in. Donna smiled and nodded. They're going to need it tonight.

Rachel took off her coat and made herself at home on the couch whilst Donna retrieved two wine glasses from the kitchen. She kept her cool and stayed contained until Donna was back, the wine was poured and the redhead was comfortably settled on the couch before she asked.

"Ok spill, what happened Donna? We all missed you today!"

Donna looked at her friend's face, etched with concern and confusion. She sighed and explained to her the events of the last week. From the kiss, to Paula's ultimatum, her resignation to her job with Jessica in Chicago. She did not however, reveal the details of Harvey's visit to her apartment. For some reason she wanted to keep that to herself, at least for now.

This was worse than Rachel had expected. She knew that something must have happened between the two but she did not expect that Harvey had essentially forced Donna out of her job, out of their lives, out of HIS life. Donna remained stoic as she recounted the events of her last week. The woman was an actress afterall. But Rachel knew her friend was hurting and reached over and gave the older woman a hug.

"I'm so sorry Donna, I didn't realise you were going through this. And alone too."

Donna nodded into her shoulder and allowed her resolve to fall a bit, sniffling as tears filled her eyes. She was grateful for her Rachel and it sucks that by leaving Harvey, and New York, she's leaving Rachel behind. And even Louis and Mike. She pulls back and refills their glasses.

"It's for the best Rachel. Harvey and I have been playing this impossible game for as long as we've known each other. Our relationship wasn't going anywhere. We were stuck. I kissed him as a last attempt to see if our relationship can be more, once or for all. It was either everything or nothing. But he wanted Paula. He chose Paula," she paused, looking away as she reflects on the situation. "I hope he finds happiness with her," she finishes, giving Rachel a sad smile.

Rachel bites her lip and contemplates whether to share the news she discovered a few hours earlier.

"Donna…" she hesitates, "Umm, I have some news about Harvey and Paula." She pauses as Donna looks at her with anticipation, her head cocked. She holds her breath and despite herself, a tiny bubble of hope builds in her stomach.

"They're engaged Donna," Rachel finishes. As much as she hated breaking the news, she knew that Donna would find out about it eventually, and she'd rather it come from her, than hearing it through the grapevine or an announcement in the paper.

Donna swallows and forces a smile. "Good, like I said, I hope he finds happiness with her" she repeats, unsure what else to say. Unspoken, but both women can feel Donna's heart breaking in that moment but Rachel cannot do much else but just be there for her friend. In silent support, she places her hand on the older woman's and asks, "do you want to watch a trashy movie?"

Donna smiles and nods at her friend, glad for a distraction. The best friends spend the rest of the night curled up on the couch together, finishing their bottle of wine, gossiping and chatting about anything on their mind, but not speaking of Harvey Specter again.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Thanks to everyone for the support so far! This is my first ever attempt at a fanfic and I'm grateful for everyone's kind words. It was hard writing all the Paula scenes but I promise it'll be Darvey in the end! Enjoy!

Chapter 4

Donna took one last look around her apartment, taking it all in and saying goodbye. The rooms were stripped bare and somehow the place looked a lot smaller without her furniture and belongings there, making the place hers. She took one last breath then walked out, dragging her carry on luggage behind her. Everything else had been boxed up and shipped over the course of the last two weeks and were already waiting for her in her new place in Chicago. Hearing the door click behind her, she made her way downstairs, hoping she'll be able to get a cab fairly quickly.

She had said all her goodbyes to her close friends in the city, and had an emotional farewell dinner with Rachel, Mike and Louis the night before. The girls promised to text daily and call weekly and the boys made her promise to keep in touch and to reach out to them whenever she needed any help. It was bittersweet but they all knew that they will still be in each other's lives. In any case, she was still Rachel's maid of honour and will be back in two months' time for Mike and Rachel's wedding.

As she stepped out onto the sidewalk, the glare of the sun, streaming through the trees, forced her to squint. She was certain that it impaired her vision enough to the point she thought she was seeing things. 5 metres in front of her, was someone she hadn't seen or spoken to for over 2 weeks, leaning up against a familiar black Lexus.

"Harvey," she started, "What are you doing here?" Throughout this whole process of restructuring her life, she had tried to push him to the back of her mind and focus on what lies ahead. Without fail however, he still managed to push his way to the forefront, reminding her of what could have been and what she had lost. Since the day they met, they had never spent more than a two days without seeing or speaking to each other. The last 2 weeks had been surreal and somehow, seeing him again after this break, he still takes her breath away. Damn Harvey and his Specter genes.

"I'm taking you to the airport," he starts. "And I wanted to say goodbye properly." He gives her a shy smile as he opens the back door of the car. Inside he's terrified that she would tell him to fuck off and hop into the nearest cab instead.

Part of her wants to do exactly that but she decides to take this opportunity to get some answers and to clear the air. After 13 years, their relationship deserves a better ending than him sneaking out of her apartment in the middle of the night after sleeping together for the second time in said years.

She nods and passes him her luggage, before climbing into the back seat. He joins her on the other side a minute later, after placing her bags in the boot.

"How did you know when I'm flying?" she starts, as they start moving down the street.

"Mike told me. He's been hinting at me to come see you for the past 2 weeks."

"Why haven't you?" she queries, "and why now?"

He pauses and fidgets with him fingers, a tell-tale sign he's nervous. "I was scared you didn't want to see me. But I knew you deserved an explanation and today was my last chance to see you before you left."

She stares at him, urging him to continue. He's right, she deserves better than how he has treated her.

"I'm sorry," he continues, "For the longest time I loved my old life; being able to have whichever woman I wanted for the night, but stay free and not be committed to any one person. It was great, I had the best of both worlds. But something has changed recently. I want more, I want a family, and kids and a future with someone. Paula is my chance at that. I had to pursue it."

Every word he speaks, Donna feels like she's being stabbed in the heart. "You think I don't want that? You think I don't want a relationship and a family? I've had my chances but they've all disappeared because I always chose YOU over any romantic relationship I've had," she snaps back at him.

"I never asked you to do that," he whispers, feeling guilty that she sees it this way.

"No, you just expected it," she shakes her head and turns her head, watching the city pass by through her window.

"Did you tell Paula about that night?"

He clenches his jaw and starts fidgeting again. "No."

She lets out an exasperated laugh and turns to him again. "Of course not, she wouldn't have agreed to marry you otherwise," she challenges, staring into his eyes, wanting to see his reaction.

He breaks eye contact, ashamed. "You know."

"Of course I do. I'm Donna," she pauses for a second. "And what about that night? Was I some final exploit before you decided to make an honest man out of yourself?"

"Donna," he responded, killing him that she thought he saw her like that. "You know I don't see you as just another woman to bed. You've meant more to me than anyone else for so long. You know that I love you. That night was…goodbye."

Donna scoffed at his response. "And that's how you say goodbye? Is that how you would say goodbye to Mike? Or Rachel?" she challenged.

"No, but you're different."

Despite her anger, deep down Donna understood what he meant. Their relationship cannot be categorised into any normal definition. They were more than co-workers, more than best friends, but not lovers. They were Harvey and Donna. And their complicated relationship meant that no one knew what the boundaries were, they have been playing it by ear for years.

She sighs and averts her attention back to her window.

They sit in silence, as the city buzzes past them, for the rest of the ride to the airport. Though on autopilot, they both disembark and he retrieves her bags from the boot and passes it over to her. They stand there slightly awkwardly, unsure how to proceed. 13 years has been reduced to this moment. He takes the plunge and pulls her into his body, his arms wrapped around her tight. She quickly melts into his embrace. They remain like that for longer than they were both expecting, savouring each other one last time. All the hate and anger and betrayal were pushed aside, if only for a moment, as they wordlessly farewelled each other.

It wasn't until they heard Ray's suggestive cough that they realised it was time for Harvey to get back into the car. They had exceeded the allotted time for the car to drop off a passenger. They give each other a sad smile.

"Goodbye, Donna. Take care in Chicago."

"Bye Harvey," she nodded, before turning on her heel and disappearing into the crowd of passengers.

Harvey anxiously ran his fingers through his hair, before getting back into the car. He spent of the rest of the ride back into the city trying to shift the nagging realisation of how perfectly Donna fit his embrace. And how calm he felt when he inhaled the vanilla in her hair. And how now, he won't get to feel that again.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Donna disembarks onto the tarmac; the first time she's set foot on New York soil since she left for Chicago two months ago. She closes her eyes and breathes in the New York air. It sounds stupid but it smells just like she remembers it, which brings a smile to her face. She makes her way towards the main airport building, eager to get through the crowds and find Rachel who insisted on picking her up that day. Weaving through travellers of all shapes and sizes, from tourists, to business travellers in suits, she eagerly scans the arrivals hall for her friend. Spotting the brunette in the distance, with a huge smile on her face, waving ecstatically to grab her attention, Donna breaks into a matching smile and quickly makes her way over.

"Hey bestie!" Rachel exclaims, pulling her friend into a huge bear hug, "I missed you!" Donna reciprocates, glad to see her friend.

"You too! Thanks for picking me up. The traffic here must be horrendous at this hour."

"My pleasure, plus it gave me an excuse to leave the house for a bit. My mum is driving me insane, she's fully stressing out. I thought as the bride, I'm the one who's meant to be acting like the crazy one!" she chuckles, before hooking her arm around Donna's, guiding her out of the arrivals hall and towards the taxi rank. "Have you eaten? Let's grab some lunch."

"Yes I'm starved! I had some of the plane food but it didn't sit well with me. I threw it up right before we started descending." Donna explained. "OH, can we get Shake Shack? We don't have it in Chicago and I have been craving it for weeks!"

"Let's go! Just don't tell my mum that I had burgers and fries the day before my wedding." Both women chuckle as they joined the queue for the taxi.

..

The following morning, it was all hands on deck at the Zane household, with Rachel's mum up at the crack of dawn and ordering everyone around. Not only Donna, but Rachel's extended family from out of town were all staying at her parents' house and everyone was in a frenzy, trying to get ready for the big day ahead. Ordinarily Donna would always be in control, the natural leader and organiser, however attempting to take control and risk butting heads with the stressed out mother of the bride was probably not the best idea this morning. So she allowed the mania to happen around her. However, after being ordered to sit and have her hair done, then halfway through told the make up artist was waiting for her, was becoming overwhelming and stressful for Donna. Two emotional states that she normally doesn't experience. Suddenly she feels like she has been kicked in the stomach, and she bolts for the bathroom. Mrs Zane would not take well to seeing Donna's breakfast again on her cream carpets.

As she's rinsing out her mouth, Donna hears a knock on the bathroom door and the voice of Rachel's cousin, Kate.

"Are you ok Donna? Can I come in?" she asks from the other side.

"Sure, the door's not locked," Donna replied, wiping the excess water from her mouth.

Kate enters the bathroom and gives her a reassuring smile. "Rachel's stuck with a curling iron in her hair so she asked me to check up on you. Are you OK? She mentioned that you were sick yesterday as well."

"Yes I'm fine, I think I'm just a bit overwhelmed and anxious. And yesterday, well, what can I say about plane food?" Donna smiles, trying to brush it off.

"Are you sure? From what Rachel tells me, the mighty Donna isn't normally overwhelmed or anxious. Are you sure you don't have a bug or something?" she asks, not buying Donna's excuse.

This must be Rachel's cousin who's a nurse, Donna thinks to herself. She shakes her head, "I don't think so, I don't think I have a fever or anything."

Kate gives her a look that Donna can't quite interpret. "Are you pregnant?" she whispers in a low voice, trying to be discreet, though both know that no one in the chaos outside the bathroom door can hear either one of them.

The question hit her like a ton of bricks. She hadn't even noticed when her last period was. She had been so preoccupied with moving, settling into her new job and helping Rachel with last minute planning for the wedding. The blood drained from her face as she considered the possibility. Shit.

Kate observed the woman in front of her and construed her silence and reaction. But the red head is the maid of honour and she has a big day ahead of her with plenty of duties. "Look Donna, how about I go out for a coffee run for the group and pick you up a pregnancy test on the way. I don't want you to worry about it all day and be distracted. It's my cousin's wedding and she needs your support today."

Donna turns to the woman and gives her a nod. "Thank you, that would be great help. I know it goes without saying, but could you keep it discreet?"

The nurse nods and wordlessly exits the bathroom, leaving the red head alone again. She stares at herself in the mirror, her knuckles white as she clenches onto the vanity for dear life. Her mind was going at a million miles a minute as she tries to process what's happening. Her thoughts are interrupted however, when she hears Rachel's mum yelling for her from outside.

"Donna dear! Chop chop! The make up ladies are waiting for you!"

..

Harvey's hands are shaking as he tries to do his tie for the fourth time that day. Any other morning, he ties it on auto pilot, with a perfect result every time. But today, he can't shake his nerves and suddenly he's a 12-year-old, attempting to do his tie for the very first time. And failing miserably.

"Harvey, my man. Come on, we're going to be late. What are you doing?" Mike asks as he enters the room. He was dressed and clearly eager to start making their way to the church. It is almost sickeningly cute how impatient he is to get to his girl and marry her.

"Perfection takes time, Mike," the older man responds, trying to buy himself a few extra minutes. He cocks his head and looks at his reflection. His most recent attempt was definitely not his best work but it'll have to do for today.

"Ok, you done now? Let's go," Mike spins and bolts for the door. Harvey rolls his eyes and follows suit. They make their way downstairs and into his black Lexus which was already waiting for them. He gives Ray a nod in the mirror, apologising for the delay. As he relaxes into the leather seat, his mind starts wandering to the rest of the day. He had both been looking forward to and dreading this day for weeks. He knew she is going to be there; she is the maid of honour. And he is the best man. And they're going to have to interact as part of their duties that day.

The past two months have been tough. Sure he had expected the difficulty of not having her at work. He knew he was losing a powerhouse COO, but what he didn't expect was how much he had lost personally. He could no longer call her at all hours of the day and night when he needed advice, hearing her soothing voice when he needed to. Any time he tried to call Paula, she would jump into therapy mode, asking him to role play and psychoanalysing him. He guesses he can't blame her, that's how she's wired, but he missed just being able to talk to Donna, who somehow always had the exact right thing to say.

"Are we almost there yet? The traffic doesn't look too bad today," Mike chirps up next to him, breaking his thoughts.

"Relax Mike, we'll get there on time. In any case, Rachel doesn't arrive until an hour after we do," Harvey reassures, transitioning into best man mode.

..

Mike stands tall and proud on at the altar, flipping around every few seconds at the church doors to see if his bride had arrived yet. Harvey had stopped telling him to relax half an hour ago. The message became a bit redundant after the fifth time. But in truth, Harvey was just as anxious inside. He tried to distract himself by glancing over the packed church, seeking out familiar faces. Paula was seated in the second row, as was Louis and Sheila and a handful of other PSL colleagues. Jessica unfortunately couldn't make it that day as she was caught up last minute with a client emergency. Suddenly he senses a bit of a kerfuffle near the entrance of the church, with a host of Zanes arriving and making their way down to the front of the church, Rachel's mum leading the way. He noticed that her was hair extra fluffy on one side, as though she had been running stressed fingers through it all day.

"Oh god, it means she's arrived," Mike announces to Harvey under his breath.

Harvey suddenly feels a lump in his throat. He swallows a couple of times in vain trying to get rid of it. Before he knows it, the orchestra swells and the entire church stands, turning away from the alter and towards the back of the church.

He wasn't ready for the sight before him. Her hair as flaming red as ever, and in a black floor length dress that he was certain was made specifically for her. She had a pleasant smile plastered on her face as she made her way down the aisle towards him. She was gazing around at the guests, silently saying hello faces familiar to her. She hadn't looked towards his direction yet which he was glad for, unsure of how he would react when they met eyes.

"Wow," Mike whispered next to him, as Rachel entered and started making her way down the aisle, "she's beautiful."

Harvey nodded in agreement, in a trance, his eyes not leaving the object of his attention.

He blinked and suddenly he realised that the minister had started the ceremony and everyone was already seated. He cleared his throat and turned to watch the proceeding.

But he couldn't concentrate. He kept fighting the urge to flick his eyes over past the couple to the woman on the other side. Suddenly he feels like someone had turned the thermostat to high and the neck of his shirt feeling tighter. He couldn't hear a word the minister was saying. He closes his eyes, trying to focus and realign his emotions.

"Harvey!"

He hears his name slice through the air. He opens his eyes and he sees the minister and Mike staring at him. "The rings," Mike whispers, a tad annoyed at Harvey's distant state. Harvey fumbles for the rings in his breast pocket and quickly hands it over. Mike turns back round as the minister continues.

Harvey takes a deep breath and glances up at Donna's direction. He meets her eyes straight on. She's staring a him with an air of concern, brows slightly furrowed. Before he knows it however, she breaks eye contact and averts her attention back to the ceremony, the pleasant smile returning to her face.

..

As soon as the ceremony wrapped up and Mike and Rachel happily made their way down the aisle as husband and wife, Donna quickly turned and exited through the side door of the church. The rectangular box in her clutch had been weighing on her mind for the past three hours. True to her word, Kate had discreetly transferred the test into Donna's clutch that morning after she returned from her "coffee run". The morning had been so packed that Donna didn't have the opportunity to step away to take the test. This is her first chance. She knew she had a few minutes whilst the newly wedded couple greeted all their guests, before she was needed for the next scheduled round of photography with the couple.

She found and entered the ladies room in the back corner of the building and locked the door. Ripping open the test, she read the instructions. Pee on the stick. Then wait. OK, she could handle that.

She does exactly as instructed and places the test on the counter, before washing her hands. Her mind wanders to the past half hour as she waits.

She knows exactly how to present herself at a wedding. She has been a bridesmaid no less than eight times over her adult life. Smile, look pretty, and support the bride. Easy. What she never had to deal with before in her duties, was coming face to face with the father of potential unborn child. The man who she's had feelings for for years. And yes, she finally admits there were feelings. Are feelings. And she's come to finally accept it over the past 8 weeks. What do they say about absence and hearts?

But he is also the man who chose another woman over her and is now engaged to said woman. The man who forced her out of her job, and her life in New York.

She ensured she avoided eye contact with him the whole walk down the aisle as she could not trust herself to keep up the perfect maid of honour façade had she met his brown eyes. It wasn't until he went into some kind of a trance in the middle of the ceremony, eyes closed and non-responsive that she dared to look over. The sight scared her, she had never seen him like that before. He was always so sharp and on top of every moment. It took Mike three attempts at calling his name for Harvey to respond and pass him the rings. At that moment, he caught her looking at him. So, she had quickly turned and put her game face back on.

She checked her phone for the time to see if the two minutes were up. They were.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before picking up the stick, squinting at the result. Her heart stopped.

Fuck.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Donna exited the rear door of the building and made her way round to the front of the church, where Mike and Rachel were greeting all their guests. She smiles at the sight of the young couple. They were so happy, so in love, with the rest of their lives ahead of them. Scanning the crowd, she spots the PSL crew huddled together, so she weaves her way over to them.

"Donna!" Louis exclaims, the first to notice her approaching. He flashes her a wide smile and opens his arms, welcoming her into his embrace. She swears that he has grown even more teeth in the two months she's been away. "So great to see you. You look radiant!"

"Thanks Louis," she responds, returning his warm hug. "I missed you all, it's so good to see the group again." She lets go of Louis and makes her rounds, greeting and hugging everyone in the group. _I missed you's_ and _you look great's_ all round.

Harvey stands slightly off to the side of the group, the lump returning to his throat. He feels Paula's grip on his arm strengthen as she leans her body into his.

"Paula!" Donna exclaims, her pitch suddenly jumping higher, with an almost absurdly delightful grin on her face, "I loveeeee your dress!"

 _Ok, what was that?_ Donna kicks herself internally. _Tone down the niceties, you're overdoing it girl. Don't make it THAT obvious that you're faking it._

Paula unconsciously holds onto Harvey even tighter, feeling possessive. He starts to feel the blood flow being restricted in his arm.

"Hello Donna," Paula replies, "is this your first time back in the city since Jessica poached you over to her firm?" She gives Donna a grin, then purposefully raises her left hand to tuck her hair behind her ear. The midday sun bounced off the diamond on her finger, reflecting into Donna's eyes. After Harvey's impromptu proposal, they had gone ring shopping together and she made sure that she got the biggest and brightest ring they stocked at Tiffany's.

Donna flinches for a fraction of a second but keeps her composure. "Yes, it's my first time back, and for such a happy occasion too," she nods, before turning away from the blonde. Mandatory pleasantries with woman who booted you from the life of the father of your unborn child – **_tick!_**

She turns to Harvey and meets him in the eyes. His jaw is clenched and his eyes are missing the twinkle she's normally used to.

"Hi Harvey, it's good to see you." She gives him a soft smile and leans in for a quick hug, as she had done with the rest of the crew. He pulls her in awkwardly with his right arm, as Paula's death grip on his other arm did not budge.

"It's good to see you too Donna," he replies, as he pulls back from their awkward side hug. He gives her a sad smile. There is so much more he feels like he wants to say but at the same time, the words are stuck in his throat.

Donna nods and steps back, before noticing his tie slightly askew. The Harvey she knows, or knew, was always impeccably dressed, with his tie perfectly symmetrical and aligned. It was a strange sight for her and it took all her will power not to reach up and fix it for him.

..

The reception was an elegant affair at the Plaza Hotel, with invitees reduced to around 80 to keep it small and intimate. Donna helped organise the night from Chicago, and to no one's surprise, the entire venue was tastefully and elegantly set up. There was a warm buzz in the room, with all the guests having a great time, enjoying the good food and wine and each others' company. Well all the guests bar one.

Paula had spent the night so far with a slight scowl on her face. Not only was she forced to sit without her fiancé, but she had to put up with Louis's outlandish stories about his cat and his conspiracy theories about the IT department at work spying on his internet browsing history. She rolled her eyes as she downed another glass of wine, counting down the minutes until the night is over.

Harvey and Donna were seated on either side of Mike and Rachel on the bridal table. Unbeknownst to each other, both were sneaking quick glances at when the other wasn't looking. They were both a bit flustered to be in each other's presence, albeit a few seats away from each other. Harvey swallowed and checked his watch for the third time that hour. He had memorised the run sheet and knew what was coming next.

"Good evening, family and friends," the MC's voice filled the room. "It's now that time of the night for the happy couple to share their first dance as husband and wife."

The music started to swell as Mike stood up and helped Rachel out of her chair. She grabbed his hand and led him onto the dance floor where they started swaying to the music.

Donna felt a tear forming in her eye. The way Mike looked at his bride, with unconditional love and admiration, was something that she wished that she had in her life. She was so happy for the couple, but at the same time, she silently grieved for herself. She glanced over at Louis, who was leaning over to peck Sheila on the cheek and sighed to herself. How did she, the mighty Donna Paulson, end up as the single one, knocked up by a man who's marrying someone else?

Her thoughts were interrupted as the MC's voice sliced through the air again, "And now let's invite the best man and the maid of honour to join the newly wedded couple."

 _Crap, she had forgotten about this._

Before she knew it, Harvey was at her side, open hand raised by her shoulder, inviting her up to join him. She gives him a shy smile and takes his hand, stands up and follows him onto the dance floor. As they come face to face, she notices his tie again and before she could stop herself, she reaches up to straighten it up.

Harvey sucks in a breath and closes his eyes. It felt so natural and normal for her to be doing this, as though she had been doing it for decades. She finishes her task and a satisfied grin appears on her face. She brushes her hands over his lapels, smoothing them down, before placing one hand on his shoulder and holding out the other, waiting for his. His eyes burrows into hers as he lightly grabs her open palm and places his other on the small of her back, pulling her in against his body whilst gently caressing the skin. They stand frozen for a moment, taking in the feeling of being in each others arms again.

"I miss you," he whispers, as he finally starts swaying to the music, guiding her with him as he holds her close. He finally has her alone to himself.

She swallows and nods. "I miss you too."

"It's been hard without you," he pauses. "I think about you all the time."

"Why are you telling me this?" she asks, feeling vulnerable and fighting off the urge to blurt out her newly discovered news and begging him take her, right there and then.

"Because you ought to know."

"Harvey…you can't be saying these things to me. You're with Paula."

"I know, which is why words are the only thing I can give you. And I'm sorry, you deserve more than just words."

He feels her stiffen in his arms. She breaks eye contact and turns her face. She knows that if she stares into those eyes a second longer, she's lose the battle she's currently fighting to keep her emotions at bay.

"You told me you loved me when you drove me to the airport," she forces out breathlessly, "and now this. But you can't give me more. It's not fair Harvey."

Her words punch him in the gut. Did she want more? After the kiss, she had made it perfectly clear that she didn't feel anything and that she **_didn't_** want more. So he made a commitment to Paula. And Harvey Specter was a man of his word; he honours his commitments.

"I'm sorry," he repeats.

They spend the next few minutes swaying in silence, both wishing the song would continue forever. They fit together perfectly and being in each others arms just felt, right.

Time ticked on however, and other couples started joining the dance floor. Within seconds, Paula was at their side, cutting in and taking back her man. Donna gives her a nod and lets go for the last time, passing Harvey over to the blonde. To the reason why he can't give her more.

..

It was 11.45pm and the guests had largely left the reception, with only a handful of people left. Donna was sitting at the end of the bridal table, shredding her napkin into thin strips, lost in thought and staring into the distance.

"What did that napkin ever do to you?"

Donna breaks out of her trance and turns to smile at the owner of the voice. Rachel sits down next to the older woman and leans over to give her a hug, which Donna reciprocates.

"I just wanted to thank you Donna. It was an amazing night and you are the most incredible person to help organise it all," Rachel whispers in her ear.

Donna pulls back and gives Rachel a wink. "All in a day's work, I'm Donna."

Rachel gives her a sad smile and continues, "no seriously Donna, you have been amazing. I know the past few months have been hard for you, and coming here today…and seeing him mustn't have been easy."

Donna looks up at her friend and for the first time that day, she feels her resolve weaken and her walls completely collapse. She quickly glances around the room to make sure that no one was watching. Luckily the boys had moved to the adjacent room for scotch, and it was just her and Rachel. She allows the dam to break and the tears to spill from her eyes.

"Oh my gosh, Donna! I'm so sorry." Rachel reaches over again and envelopes her friend, resting Donna's head on her shoulder, supporting her as she lets it all out. She rubs her friend's back trying to calm her down and still her nerves.

"I shouldn't have allowed you to come, it was too much being around him…" Rachel apologies.

"No," Donna starts, shaking her head on Rachel's shoulder. "Nothing would have stopped me from being a part of your big day."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you more today Donna. I should have known you were struggling seeing him, with her."

Donna lifts her head and pulls back, sniffling as she looks her friend in the eye.

"It's not that," she shakes her head. "Of course I knew I had to see him with her today. I was expecting it and was prepared for it."

Rachel looked at her friend in confusion. "Ok…then did something happen? Is everything OK?" she asked.

Donna took in a deep breath and wiped away the tears on her cheeks.

"Rachel, I found out today…" she pauses, "that I'm pregnant."

Rachel's eyes bulge from her head and her jaw near hits the table. "Wow, Donna, that's…just. Wow! You never mentioned you were seeing anyone in Chicago!"

Donna bites her lip and turns away. She hated that she wasn't upfront with Rachel when she confided in her a few months ago. Though at the time, she wasn't ready to share. However, it can't be avoided now.

"I didn't tell you the whole story that night, when you came over after I resigned," she started. "The night I handed in my resignation letter, Harvey came over to my place…and we slept together. It was a one-night thing and he was gone before I woke up the next day."

"Oh my gosh, Donna…" Rachel was shell-shocked. She did not know how to take the news or how to even react to this bombshell. "Have you told him?"

Donna shook her head and straightened her back. She had made her choice and was determined to see it through. "He's happy with Paula, he's committed to her."

"But if he knew…"

"No, he chose her. If he knew, he would do the right thing and come back to me, but I'm not going to allow him to choose me because he's obligated to. So he's going to marry Paula and they're going to have a bunch of kids and live happily ever after."

If anything, once Donna makes up her mind, she sticks to it. Her momentarily emotional breakdown, long forgotten, as she sits there poised, trying to convince her friend that she will be OK. And that she has it all figured out. That she can do this alone.

Rachel reaches over and cups her hands over Donna's. Her heart is breaking for her friend.

"But what about your happily ever after?"

Donna tries to give the brunette a reassuring smile. "I'll let fate lead the way."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Donna entered her office first thing in the morning, impeccably dressed in a knee length emerald dress, fitting her like a glove, yet complimenting her pregnant bump. There are few women who can pull off a polished look in their ninth month of pregnancy; and in 4 inch stilettos. But Donna is not like most women. Hearing her phone beep, she looks down and smiles at the app notification, counting down the days. She is two weeks away from her due date and despite the fear and anxiety she's feeling, she's also overwhelmingly excited for the next chapter in her life.

The past 7 months was a bit of a blur for Donna. No one had told her how fast the time flies by. She was lucky. Aside from some morning sickness at the beginning of her pregnancy, she has largely handled it with ease with minimal symptoms.

She had told Jessica about her pregnancy soon after she returned to Chicago from the wedding. The managing partner was extremely supportive and volunteered to be her companion to all doctors' appointments, scans and classes. Having no children of her own, Jessica was more than willing to be part of the process. She had never been naturally maternal however, she sometimes thinks about the price she paid, driving for success at her career at the expense of a family.

Donna looked up as she heard a light tap on the glass door of her office.

"Jessica," she smiles up at her boss, "what can I do for you?"

"Just checking in that everything is OK and that you're all good to hold down the fort today?" the managing partner asks.

Donna looked up at her with an air of confusion. "I'm sorry, where are you going? I've been so busy with the recruitment drive these few weeks, it must have slipped my mind."

"I'm off to New York for the Harvey's wedding," Jessica replies, "I'll be on the morning flight back tomorrow, so I'll be in by lunch time."

Donna gives her a tight smile and nods. She had forgotten about this. Either that or she had completely erased it from her mind in denial. Packed it away in a tiny box and shoved it in the corner of her mind. She had received an invitation in the mail shortly after Mike and Rachel's wedding. She had declined the invitation.

"Oh yes, I remember now. We should be fine here, but umm," Donna hesitates, "by the way, would you mind not mentioning to anyone that I'm expecting? I just haven't told anyone back in New York, except for Rachel. And I don't want anything to pull the attention from Harvey's big day…" she finishes, trying to sound convincing.

The older woman stares at the red head in front of her and acknowledges the meaning behind her words. She had never pressed Donna for the identity of the father of her child, but she guessed he was from New York and he is no longer in the picture.

She nods. "Sure thing, I won't mention it." It wasn't her business to spread the news, especially as it was clear Donna wanted to keep it private. "Alright then, I best be off. Give me a call if you need anything and Jeff is around if there's an emergency OK?"

Donna chuckles at her boss's' concern. "I'm a grown ass woman, I'll be fine! Just go and have a great time at the wedding. Send Harvey my apologies, this recruitment drive had been scheduled in months in advance and I'm swamped."

The brunette nods, giving her a knowing look. Both know that the managing partner does not buy that excuse. "I'll see you tomorrow Donna." Jessica turns on her heel and makes her way to the elevator.

Donna sighs and looks down at her belly, gently rubbing it through her silk dress.

"It's just you and me little one."

..

At the altar, Harvey shifted his eyes over the crowd nervously again. He was searching for someone; a certain someone who had declined the invitation but he still hopes deep down inside that she would show last minute. But time and time again, he could only see a sea of blonde, brunette, black, and frankly, an exceptional amount of grey, hair. Not one red. He sighs and tries to remove her from his mind. He feels Mike pat him on the shoulder from behind him. He turns to see the younger man give him a reassuring smile.

"It's ok, your bride will be here soon enough," Mike tries to soothe his friend.

Harvey nods. If only he knew what was actually going through his mind.

Seated in the third row, Jessica stares up at her protégé. She can feel his unsettling nerves radiating, even from where she's sitting. Even Harvey Specter can succumb to the wedding day nerves, she chuckles to herself, before turning to the young brunette sitting beside her.

"I've never seen him so nervous before," she whispers, finding amusement his demeanour.

Rachel gives the older woman a smirk, silently relishing in the discomfort on Harvey's face.

"So, how's Donna doing…with everything?" Rachel whispers under her breath. Everyone was chatting around them but she didn't want to risk anyone overhearing.

"She's like a super woman, the way she's handling it all. And she's doing it with style all the way to the end," Jessica replies.

"I can't believe it's just around the corner. I'll find an excuse to come visit in a few weeks." Rachel grins, feeling like she's speaking in code with the former managing partner of PSL. It sounds childish but she's enjoying having this little secret, just between them three girls.

The ladies continue their discreet chat for a few more minutes, with Jessica sharing stories and Rachel listening intently, before the music starts up and everyone stands to welcome the bride.

Harvey watched as the blonde walked towards him. She has a huge grin on her face, with almost a bounce in her step as she approaches. He goes through the motions as though on autopilot; the vows, the rings. He memorised it all the night before. Suddenly he hears the side door creak open and his heart skips a beat. His head snaps over to the sound within half a second, one last ditch hope that she had arrived. His heart falls to see that it was one of Paula's uncles sneaking into the ceremony late. His face drops and he closes his eyes in defeat.

 _Why can't I get her out of my mind? Focus goddammit. It's your wedding day._ He scolds himself.

He feels Paula squeeze his hands and he returns to the present. Before he knew it, the ceremony was over, and he was married. He waited for the relief to wash over his body, but for some reason it doesn't come. Mike pats him on the back again, "how great does it feel?"

Harvey swallows and nods. He feels Paula pull him down from the altar and towards the guests. She's ecstatic and beaming but he feels like he wants to throw up. He whispers a quick apology to her, telling her he's busting to pee, before bolting for the bathroom. He makes it just in time to hurl his stomach into the toilet bowl.

..

The couple had opted for an early evening cocktail party after the nuptials to allow people to mingle. Jessica was deep in conversation with one of her old friends when she felt her phone buzz in her clutch. She ignored it as she didn't want to appear rude by checking her phone. Her attention was waning thin as the conversation continued however, as the buzzing started increasing in succession, to the point where it was almost non stop.

"I'm so sorry Fred," Jessica apologised to her friend, "my phone is exploding. I just want to check to make sure there's no emergency back home. It was great to catch up, give me a call when you're in Chicago."

Her friend nodded in understanding as Jessica excused herself to the corner of the room.

Jessica pulled out her phone and her eyes widened at what she was seeing. Not only had she missed 3 calls from Donna and 8 calls from Jeff, she had 87 unread messages. She quickly opened her texts and skimmed the words on her screen before putting her phone away and making a beeline for Harvey.

Paula was introducing Harvey to another one of her 15 cousins when he noticed Jessica approaching him from is peripheral vision. _Thank goodness_ , he thought to himself, he wasn't sure how much longer he could hold the strained smile on his face.

"Harvey," Jessica whispered, "can I speak to you for a second?"

Harvey noticed the agitation in her voice and nodded.

"Excuse me ladies," he said as he walked off with Jessica.

"Is everything OK? You seem a bit restless," he asked his former boss, concerned at her demeanour.

"I just received some news from Chicago, there's a bit of an emergency, I'm going to hop on the first flight back," she apologies, "I'm sorry for leaving early, it was a beautiful wedding."

"Don't apologise Jessica, do what you need to do. Is everything OK though?" he pauses before continuing, "is Donna OK?"

Jessica is taken back by his question but remembered her promise to Donna to keep her situation on the down low.

"It's just something with a client," she replies, diverting from his question before reaching up and hugging him. "It was good to see you kid, and congratulations on your wedding."

Harvey hugs the older woman back, "it was good to see you too Jessica, and thanks for making the trip."

Jessica pulls back and gives him a nod, before turning on her heel and walking off. He watches her leave for a few moments longer, expecting her to make a beeline for the door, however he notices her turn in the crowd and approach Rachel.

His eyebrows furrow in confusion as he watched the two women in the distance. He could tell Jessica was doing all the talking, and he watches as Rachel's face bloom in excitement as the conversation continues. His confusion deepens as he watches Jessica's face also light up with a huge beaming smile. Both women embrace in what looks to be celebration, before Jessica looks at her phone again and then rushes off towards the exit.

 _What kind of client emergency is this?_

Rachel is beside herself with excitement after hearing Jessica's news. She sighs and gives thought to the other side of the equation and looks up, unconsciously seeking out Harvey in the crowd. She spots Paula, her white dress standing out in the crowd like a sore thumb, and quickly glances around her for the groom. She spots Harvey and suddenly they're staring at each other face to face. He's observing her intently, brows furrowed and a confused look on his face. She could tell by his solid stance and his unwavering glare that he has been watching her for a while. The smile on her face falls in shock, but she reassures herself that he couldn't have heard their conversation from that far away. She gives him a pleasant smile before turning away and heading for the bar. Finally something worth celebrating today!

..

Jessica made it to the hospital shortly before visiting hours ended. She knocks gently on the door and peeps her head in, smiling at the sight of the red head on the bed.

"Hi wonder woman, heard you had a baby today?" she whispered, quietly entering the room.

Donna looked up at the woman in the doorway and gave her a tired smile. "You didn't have to rush back from the wedding," she replied.

"Don't be silly, I'm sorry I wasn't here when it happened."

"It happened so quickly, I was in the bagel line for lunch when I started feeling the pain. Jeff was a life saver, he dropped everything he got me to the hospital within 45 minutes, and stayed with me all afternoon. He's a keeper, that one." Donna winks at the older woman.

"I know," Jessica smiles, "So where is the little one?"

Donna turns over and pulls the bassinet closer to the bed. She reaches in and picks up a little red headed bundle, barely awake but trying hard to keep her eyes open.

"Meet little Miss Charlotte Paulson." Donna looks down at her daughter, with so much pride and pure love. "She was ready to make her entrance to the world a little early, so here she is!"

Jessica looks down at the child in Donna's arms and is in awe at the child's perfection. She examines the little girl and instantly notices her beautiful brown eyes. The same brown eyes that she saw earlier that day. She smiles to herself. "Congratulations Donna, she's perfect," Jessica starts, giving her a knowing smile, "she may not know it yet, but this little girl has won the genetic lottery."

The women look at each other and wordlessly acknowledge the fact that there is a part of Harvey Specter in the room with them that evening.

..

A/N: Don't despair everyone! It's going to turn around very soon! :)


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

 ** _Three years later_**

Harvey stepped out of the elevator on the 63rd floor and made his way to the reception desk. He flashed the receptionist his signature smile, gave his name and who he was seeing. The young brunette behind the desk checked his name off the calendar and pointed him in the right direction.

He strides down the hall towards the office at the east corner of the floor. He gives a nod to the assistant in the cubicle as he walks past and smiles at the sight of his former boss in the glass encased office in front of him. He had visited her quite a few times over the years, though they had always met in one of the fancy restaurants in town that she insisted on going to. This was his first time at her office. He quietly knocks on the glass door.

Jessica was in deep concentration, reviewing the class action the firm was about lodge against one of the most prominent real estate moguls in the city, when she perks up at the tapping sound on her door. Standing there is her old protégé from New York, with a huge Cheshire cat smile on his face, holding a huge bouquet of flowers. Her face drops.

"Surprise!" he announces as he steps into her office.

"Harvey! What are you doing here?" she replies, taken aback and completely caught off guard by his presence.

"Can I not come wish my favourite mentor a happy birthday? The big five-oh is worth a visit don't you think?"

She gives him a nervous glare and shifts uncomfortably at her desk.

"Ok ok, I'll change the number in the card to 40," he chuckles, misreading her discomfort.

She clears her throat and glances at the clock. "No, it's not that…I just didn't know you were coming…" she trails off.

He cocks his head and gives her a look. He happened to be in town for a deposition, and when he noticed the date, he arranged with her assistant for a surprise drop by. Sure, he knew that Jessica was a woman who liked being in the know at all times, but her current reaction was quite unusual.

"Sorry, Jessica…are you busy at the moment or something? Did you want me to come back later?"

She shakes her head at him, before shooting out of her chair, grabbing her phone in the process. "I just have to make a quick phone call…"

He notices that she's gotten even more flustered and her hands were shaking. She's constantly glancing past his shoulder, down the hallway behind him. She quickly walks around her desk, making a beeline for her door before she suddenly stops, frozen. He watches as the blood drains from her face, her eyes fixated on something behind him.

He slowly turns around and his heart stops at what he sees.

..

Donna entered the doors of the child care centre on the 2nd floor of her building. Having a centre in her office building was extremely convenient. It allowed her to get to her child within minutes if something was wrong, and it meant she could her to pick up her up and return to work when necessary.

The red head approached her daughter's classroom and stuck her head through the door, catching the attention of the child care worker.

"Hi Jane," she said, "I'm here to take my monster off your hands."

The young worker smiled as the feisty toddler ran towards her mom, wrapping her chubby arms around Donna's legs.

"Hey Donna, yes, she was a bit of a trouble maker today, though not in the traditional sense of the word," she smirked.

"Hmmm? How so?" Donna asked, not surprised that her daughter was causing havoc, "what did she do today?"

"Just ask your little one, I'm sure she will give you a run down," Jane chuckled, "she's been spending too much time with the lawyers in your office is all I'll say."

Donna nodded, looking forward to hearing her daughter's recount of her day. "Hmm, will do. Ok well have a good weekend and we'll see you on Monday!"

She grabbed Charlotte's hand and they made their way to the elevator. She allowed the girl to hit the button for the 63rd floor before turning to the young red head.

"So what trouble did you cause today young missy?"

The little girl looked up at her mom with puppy dog eyes. "No trouble mama. I didn't want to sleep at nap time so I told Miss Jane if she let me play instead, I'll help Miss Jane give out snacks at snack time." She gives her a mom a pout, not understanding why she was in trouble.

Donna rolled her eyes and laughed to herself. Her girl wasn't even three, but she has already learnt the art of negotiation. She taps her daughter on her nose and gives her a smile. "You're too smart for your own good, you know that?"

Realising she wasn't in trouble, the little girl flashes her mom a smile, before starting to recount the rest of her day.

The lift soon arrives on their floor and the Paulson girls walk out, making the familiar route to Donna's office. Charlotte chats animatedly about her day and Donna's full attention is on her girl as they walk down the hallway and into her office. Neither notice the two figures staring at them in awe from corner office at the end of the hall.

"Harvey…" Jessica starts, glancing up at the man hesitantly. She is uncertain as to his reaction to what they just saw. She knows that he hasn't seen Donna since Mike and Rachel's wedding three and half years ago. And she is certain he knew nothing about the little girl that was holding Donna's hand.

Harvey stands there frozen, his heart pounding in his ears. A small part inside him was on the look out for Donna when he arrived at the firm. It was partially the reason why he wanted to surprise Jessica instead of meeting her at yet another overpriced restaurant in the city. She was all he had remembered her to be; perhaps even more beautiful, if that was possible. There was something about her aura that screamed happiness. But it was the little girl by her side, with the same fiery red curls, that took his breath away.

He feels a thin layer of moisture on his palms as they start perspiring. He quickly wipes them on his pants before he slowly glides towards the door of Jessica's office, as though in a trance.

"Harvey…" Jessica tries again. But he doesn't hear her and within seconds, he's made his way down to hall towards the office of the COO.

Inside, Donna had taken a seat at her desk and had started logging back into her computer. She had a few emails to send off before she was ready to take her daughter home. Charlotte had made herself comfortable on the couch in the corner, and had started digging out her possessions from her back pack.

Suddenly, Donna feels a chill run down her spine and her skin erupts in goose bumps. She closes her eyes and tries to shake the feeling but it doesn't going away. It was the feeling she got whenever he was around. She could always feel him in her presence, before she could even see or hear him. And she hadn't felt this in over three years.

She slowly raises her head towards the door, already knowing who she was going to see in her doorway.

"Hi." He says simply, as her eyes meet his, staring at her with an unreadable look on his face.

She swallows, unsuccessful at attempting to rid the lump that had appeared in her throat.

"Hey," she responds, trying to appear calm as she feels her heart rate escalate dangerously quick inside.

Both remain frozen, staring at each other, unsure who was going to continue.

"Mama!" Charlotte piped up, breaking the silence in the room. "Can I give Aunt Jessie my picture?" She holds up a colourful drawing that she dug out from the bottom of her backpack.

Donna smiles at the girl, "Of course pumpkin, and don't forget to give her a big birthday hug too!"

The little girl jumps up off the couch, with the picture in her hand, and marches towards the door. She stops in front of the tall suited man blocking her way, raises her little head and looks up at him.

"'Scuse me mister." She gives Harvey a sweet smile, her head slightly cocked. He looks down at the little girl, transfixed, before awkwardly shuffling to the side to make way.

Donna smiles to herself and shakes her head. Growing up in a law firm, men in suits don't intimidate the young girl. In fact, she had everyone on the floor wrapped around her little finger. She's cute and she knows exactly how to use it to get her way.

Harvey watched as she podded her way down to corner office. He sees Jessica inside, bending down with open arms to give the girl a tight hug.

He turns back to Donna in awe. "You're a mom," he breathes, "that's…amazing." He quickly flashes his eyes over her left hand, searching for a ring. He lets out a sigh of relief when he doesn't find one.

"Yea, that's my little girl. Her name is Charlotte," she responded, trying to keep the smirk off her face. It was a split second, but she saw it. His quick glance at her hand, and the look of relief on his face right after. Even though he's married, and she had gotten over him years ago, it still gave her a flutter in her stomach that he, on some level, was still interested in her love life.

He steps in and slowly lowers himself onto her couch.

"She's beautiful Donna," he pauses, "how old is she?"

Donna stiffens in her chair and her face drops slightly. Keeping this to herself for the past 3 years, it had become normal, everyday, routine. Had she had known when she woke up that morning that it was all going to unravel, she would have pulled the covers back over her head and stayed locked up in her apartment.

She takes in a deep breath, knowing that she was about the pull that piece of thread on the end of her sleeve. That piece of thread that will kick start everything else to unstitch.

"She turns 3 next Tuesday," she replies, intently observing his reaction. She can almost see the gears turning in his head.

He sits there for a moment, as the realisation hits him like a ton of bricks. She was born on the day he got married. The day he searched for her in the crowd. The day she didn't show, was the day she was in hospital, giving birth to a baby girl. It was though all the pieces finally clicked. Jessica's "client emergency" and Rachel's unusually ecstatic mood that night.

"Rachel knows?" he asks, though it was more of a statement as he already knew the answer.

Donna nods in response, before holding her breath, pleading to god that he hasn't figured out the math. That his memory of the events that transpired almost 4 years ago was faded enough for him not to accurately recall specific dates.

Her prayer was answered when they were interrupted by Jessica at the door, the smaller red head by her side. Their sudden presence broke Harvey's train of thought as he looked up at them.

"Sorry to interrupt guys," Jessica started, clearing her throat, "just returning the princess. Jeff is taking me out for dinner and our reservation is in 15 minutes so I have to head off." She gives Donna a supportive smile as the Charlotte skips back into the office and climbs back onto the couch, next to Harvey. She gives him another smile, before digging through her backpack again, looking for the next thing to keep her entertained.

"It was, umm, interesting to see you Harvey," the brunette says.

"Yea, umm, happy birthday again, and have a great night…" he trails off awkwardly as she turns and leaves.

Donna takes this chance to also make her break for it. This day really hadn't turned out as she had planned and she needed some time to process seeing **_him_** again. And how she was going to break the news to him. **_If_** she is going to break the news.

"It's, umm, time for us to head home too actually, if we want to beat the peak hour traffic…" she rambles, avoiding eye contact. She anxiously tidies up her desk, and starts throwing random objects in her bag in an attempt to pack up, before making her way around her desk. She takes her daughter's hand and starts leading her towards the door.

"Wait," he utters, lightly grabbing her arm. She stops in her tracks and sucks in a breath. It has been years but his touch still burns her skin and sets her on fire.

"I...I want to catch up, it's been too long," he starts, "I'm in town for the rest of the weekend. Can we meet up?" He looks at her eagerly, hoping for a positive response.

She bites her lip and turns her head to meet his brown eyes, the same eyes she sees every day in her daughter. The same eyes she can never say no to.

She chokes out an "OK," before informing him that she still has the same number.

He nods and lets go of her arm, watching her as she leaves her office and down the hall. The little girl turns around and waves a quick goodbye at her new friend as they turn the corner towards lifts.

Harvey turns back into her office and pulls a boarding pass out from his breast pocket, scheduled for a flight that evening. He rips it up and drops it in the bin.

He smiles to himself, a fluttering feeling engulfing his chest. A flutter that he hasn't felt for years.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Donna unlocks her front door and enters into the foyer of her apartment. She kicks off her heels and runs her hand through her hair. It had been a long day and she was glad to finally be home. Charlotte bolted past her, making a beeline for her room, her fiery red hair flying behind her.

"Slow down Charlotte!" Donna called at her retreating form, "your room's not going anywhere!" Donna rolls her eyes as her advice falls to deaf ears.

She makes her way into her bedroom and pulls her phone out of her handbag, checking her messages. Jessica had sent her a long apologetic text, explaining that he had shown up unannounced. _All good, not your fault. Have a great night,_ Donna had texted her back. She knew that he had visited Jessica in town before, but her boss had always made sure that they never met at the office.

She had spent the entire cab ride home trying to process the events that had transpired that afternoon. To say it was a surprise to see Harvey in her office was a gross understatement. Over the years, she had always imagined what it would be like to see him again. She had played out many scenarios in her head. Sometimes it's an emotional reunion, sometimes it's fuelled with anger, and occasionally she fantasizes that he declares his love for her and apologises for all the wrong choices he has made. But she had never figured out the best way to tell him about Charlotte. How she would break the news that she has been keeping his child a secret from him for almost 3 years.

Deciding she needs some advice, she scrolls through her contacts and hits dial, before closing her bedroom door, not wanting any eager ears overhearing.

"Hey Donna," the voice on the other end of the line answered.

"Hey Rachel," she smiles, instantly soothed by the familiar voice. "Are you busy? Or are you ok for a quick chat?"

"I'm just waiting for Mike to finish up so we can leave the office. I'm all ears. What's up?"

"So…Harvey's in Chicago?" Donna asks, though more of a rhetorical question.

"Yes, Mike mentioned this morning he had to fly over for a deposition today," she starts, "did he catch up with Jessica again?"

"Something like that…" the red head replies. "He decided show up at the office and surprise her."

She hears a gasp on the other end of the line.

"What? He was there? Did you see him? DID HE SEE YOU?" the brunette's voice growing louder with each word.

"Mmmhmm…and Charlotte too."

"Oh shit. How did that go down? How did he react? Does he know she's his? And how are you sounding so calm about this?" Rachel rambles, panicking enough for the both of them.

"I don't think he knows she's his yet. I got out of there pretty quickly, but he wants to meet over the weekend to catch up," she replies, "and I can't panic. I need to come up with a game plan, and panicking isn't going to help me at this point!"

Rachel nods on the other end of the line, even though her friend cannot see her.

"So, should I tell him? But how? Do I just rip it off like a band aid and hope he doesn't sue the hell out of me for keeping his child from him?"

"I think all you can do is be honest Donna," her friend responds, a reassuring tone in her voice, "you were both starting new lives and he was getting married. You didn't want to ruin his relationship…" Rachel trials off and bites her lip on the other end of the line. She decides not to say any more. It had been an unwritten rule over the years to not discuss Harvey and his marriage.

Donna sighs and resigns to the decision, "Yea I know I have to. I guess I just needed someone to verbalise it to me as well. I just don't it to affect Charlotte."

"But what if it's a good impact?" the brunette proposes.

"Hmmm…" the red head considers, "well thanks for the chat Rachel, I'll keep you updated."

"Please do. Bye Donna. Give the little one a kiss for me."

Donna lowers her phone and closes her eyes. The Paulson girls are going to have their lives turned upside down this weekend.

..

It's Saturday morning and Harvey is lying wide awake in his hotel bed, fiddling with his phone. He had been sitting there for almost an hour, typing and retyping a text that he has yet to send. He knows she has already informally accepted his proposal to meet this weekend, but he's still nervous.

He turns and glances at the clock on his bedside table. 6:00am on a Saturday was probably too early send a text. She probably won't even be awake to read it, let alone respond for another hour or two. He hovers his thumb over the send button and hits it before he allows himself to hesitate any longer.

 _Hey Donna, how are you placed today for that catch up? Did you want to grab some lunch?_

\- _H_

He lays back down, settles into the soft pillows and closes his eyes. He tries to squeeze in a bit more shut eye before the shops open downstairs. His trip to Chicago the day before was meant to be a day trip so he didn't have any luggage with him. He's in dire need of a few outfits. He lays there contemplating what colour shirt she would like to see on him or whether he should go for a jacket or not. Did he want to come off as casual? Or would she be more impressed by a light suit? He agitatedly grabs his phone and checks the time again. 6.02am.

He drops his phone on the duvet cover next to him and lets out another exasperated sigh.

Suddenly, just as the phone bounces across the bed, it lets out that the universally recognisable * ** _ding*_**

 _Hi Harvey, lunch sounds good. Noon? There's an Italian place near mine that C and I love. I'll forward you address._

\- _D_

With a huge grin on his face, Harvey types faster than he's ever typed in his life before.

 _Great, see you then._

\- _H_

..

Donna checks her appearance in the mirror for the umpteenth time, smoothing down her hair, making sure her makeup is perfect. It has been over three years but somehow Harvey has managed to look better than ever. He was like a fine wine, growing better with age. She applies a bit more concealer under her eyes, conscious of the dark circles, courtesy of having to raise a toddler alone. Sleep is a luxury to Donna these days. She steps back and gives herself a smile, not bad, if she said so herself.

"Charlotte," she calls, "I need to quickly do your hair, then we're leaving soon."

Her mini me appears a few seconds later at the bathroom door, her stuffed bunny in hand, being dragged along the floor behind her. She positions herself in front of her mother obediently, knowing the drill. Donna had always made sure that her daughter looked as impeccable as she did.

She starts brushing out her daughter's hair as the young girl pipes up.

"Where we going?"

"We're having lunch at Carlo's with mommy's friend. Do you remember the man that was in my office yesterday?"

"Mmmhmm," replied the young girl, "I liked him, he's pretty. What's his name?"

"His name is Harvey and he's mommy's friend from before you came along. When I lived in New York."

Charlotte scrunches up her face in confusion, "Before me? Where did I come from then?"

Donna smiled to herself as she finished tying up the red curls in a little ponytail on the top of the girl's head and clipped in a bow. Perfect.

"Now that's a story for another time missy. But right now, let's go to lunch."

..

Harvey waits anxiously outside Carlo's Italian, pacing up and down the sidewalk in anticipation. He had arrived at 11.30am as he wanted to make sure he wasn't late, which means that he has been pacing for almost half an hour. He glances up and down the street again, hoping to see a glimmer of red under the midday sun. And when he does, it takes his breath away.

He meets her eyes and gives her his Cheshire cat grin as the girls approach. A light blush fills her cheeks at the way he is staring at her, she hadn't seen that look on his face for a long time.

"Hey Harvey," she greets him, shuffling on the spot, unsure whether what their protocol is anymore. Does she give him a hug?

He answers her question for her as he reaches over and pulls her in, "Hi Donna, thanks for meeting me."

She melts into his embrace and inhales his scent. It immediately relaxes her and brings back years of memories. He slowly releases her, before looking down at the child at her side.

"Hi Charlotte, don't you look pretty today, I like your dress," Harvey grins at the young girl, adoration in his eyes.

The girl stands up tall, proud of the compliments thrown her way. "Thank you, you're pretty too," she replies, giving her a sweet smile, before pulling on Donna's hand towards the restaurant.

"Ok, let's go in, I'm starving," Donna says, allowing the little girl to lead them into the restaurant. They're seated in their usual corner booth and the girls order their favourites within minutes.

"Do I get a choice in the ordering?" Harvey asks amused, as the waiter walks away with the menus.

"We know the best dishes to order," Donna responds, waving her hand dismissively at his concern, "trust me, I'm Donna."

Her mini me nods beside her, "and I'm Charlotte," giving a serious look, imitating her mother's confidence.

Harvey chuckles and shakes his head as he gives in, already resigning to the fact that he won't win.

Donna observes him from across the table, he **_appears_** happier than the last time she saw him at their friends wedding. It must mean that he is happily married, perhaps with a child, and overall content with his life. She squirms a bit in her seat. And now she's going to bring it all crashing down by revealing to him that he has a child out of wedlock that he doesn't know about. She lowers her gaze, almost in dread. But as she does so, she notices his hand. His bare, ringless hand. She was too in shock yesterday to appreciate this tiny detail. There was a tan line on his ring finger, indicating that a piece of metal had once guarded that slither of skin from the sun for an extended period of time. However, it is now free.

"So Donna, how have you been?" his voice interrupts her train of thought, "you look great, being a mother really suits you."

She looks him in the eyes and gives him a smile, being a mother is her proudest achievement in life. "Yes, it's definitely a blessing. Hard work, but the best thing that's ever happened to me," she replies. As anyone in her life can attest, she can happily boast about her daughter for hours, but at this moment, she's most eager to get an explanation for the small detail she had just noticed. "So, how's Paula? You guys are almost at your three-year anniversary?"

Harvey's face falls and his shoulders fall as he leans back into his seat. She almost feels bad for asking the question.

"Paula and I are…going through a divorce. We've been separated for a few months now," he replies, "we weren't on the same page as to what we wanted in our lives together."

Donna bites her lip and reaches across the table, enveloping his hands in hers. As much as he had hurt her over the years, she could never find it in herself to ever want to see him hurting. "I'm sorry," she whispers.

He swallows and looks her in the eyes. Her caring eyes that he had missed so much over the years, the ones that made him want to open up and tell her everything.

"We were trying for a child," he explains, "at least we were meant to be. But after over a year of trying, I found out that she was still on the pill the whole time and lying to me about it. She never wanted kids but never told me."

He looks over at the little girl opposite him. She had her head down, concentrating on the masterpiece drawing she was creating on the children's placemat the restaurant provides. Her tongue was peeking out from the side of her mouth as she focuses on the intricate details of her artwork.

After he made managing partner at PSL and achieving all his career aspirations, this was all that he wanted. A beautiful wife and children he could spoil rotten. In business, when Harvey has a goal, he would formulate a plan, stick to it through the execution and succeed what he sets out to achieve. Except when it comes to matters of the heart, evidently he has no clue what he's doing.

Donna nervously releases his hands, feeling completely horrible for his current state, but knowing it was now or never to tell him. She couldn't lie to him any longer. He's been lied to for too long. She swallows, before whispering his name.

"Harvey."

He turns to look back at her, pain and yearning in his eyes for the life he wishes he has.

"Do you remember the night I resigned?" she starts hesitantly, "when you came over to my apartment?"

He nods, a lump forming in his throat, unable to give her a verbal response. Of course he remembers that night, how could he not.

"Harvey..." she pauses, a fearful look appearing on her face as she chokes out the rest, "we didn't use protection that night."

He tilts his head and gives her a confused look. That night was amazing and it was an unspoken truce between the two of them that it was one night, just for the two of them, never to be repeated or spoken of again. It was a night of raw passion; he had never thought even thought about protection, let alone remembered if they used any. Why is she bringing it up now?

She continues staring at him, with a scared look on her face, waiting for him to connect the dots. For such a smart and brilliant man, he can sometimes be rather slow.

It takes a few seconds, but she sees the exact moment he pieces it all together in his head. It's the moment she sees what seems like a dozen emotions flash across his face. Shock, anger, fear, hurt, anxiety and what seems to be a flicker of hope.

His body stiffens and his jaw is locked tight, making it impossible for him at that moment to speak, even if he knew what he wanted to say. A million thoughts run through his mind, trying to process and focus on just one train of thought. His breaks his glare and turns to the little girl again, suddenly seeing her in a whole new light. Did he have something to do with what was sitting less than 2 metres in front of him? Was he part of the equation that brought this perfect human being into the world?

As though she could sense that she was being watched, the little red head looked up and makes eye contact with the "pretty" man who joined them for lunch. She suddenly extends her arms and plants them firmly on the paper in front of her.

"You can't look yet, Harvey, it's a surprise for you," she scolds him, sticking out a tongue in his direction.

Suddenly, it was as though all the fear and anger and anxiety that was battling for the number 1 spot in his psyche melted away and he feels a calm in the little girl's presence.

"I'm sorry Harvey," Donna's voice trembles, drawing his attention back. She feels the sting in her eyes, "and I know I owe you more than that…" she trails off.

"Why?" he asks, hurt in his eyes.

She looks down, tears brimming and threatening to spill over. "I had already moved to Chicago when I found out," she begins, "and you were engaged. You had chosen _her…_ and you were happy. I didn't want to ruin that for you. I wanted you to be happy." She continues looking down, avoiding eye contact. She closes her eyes, trying to calm herself and not cry in front of him and her daughter.

Suddenly she feels his finger under her chin, gently guiding her face up. She opens her eyes and meets his brown ones.

"I didn't choose _Paula._ I chose family. Had I had known…" he chokes, unable to finish.

Unable to acknowledge what could have been. What they could have had. And the years they had wasted.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Thanks to everyone again for the support!

Chapter 10

The threesome returned to Donna's apartment after their meal. Despite the relatively tame reveal at in the restaurant, both Harvey and Donna knew there was much more to discuss, and a public restaurant was not the place to hash out the details. True to her word, the dishes ordered by the Paulsen girls were delicious and the clan was very full and satisfied by the time they reached the 5th floor apartment.

Once they were inside, the little girl grabbed Harvey's hand and started dragging him down the hall.

"Come see my room," she happily announced, eager to show him the tepee tent she has set up by her bed, where she would have her tea parties with her stuffed animals. Harvey happily obliged, unable to say no to the girl. No doubt she already has him wrapped firmly around her little finger. At this point, had she asked him to jump out the window, he would do so.

Donna smiled at the quick ease Charlotte has taken to him, before making her way into the kitchen to make some coffee. Her hands shake slightly as she pours the brown liquid into the mugs, before adding their signature ingredient. It has just been her and Charlotte for so long and frankly, she loves having the little girl all to herself. Even though she's glad that it's all out in the open now, she's fearful what this means for herself and her daughter. She knows that Harvey would never take the girl from her, but there's a nagging uncertainty of the unknown and how things will now change.

"She's amazing, Donna," she hears his voice behind her, "so beautiful and so smart."

She turns around and flashes him a proud smile. She knows. She hands him one of the mugs as they move into the living room, taking a seat on the couch.

He takes a sip and an amused look washes over his face. He couldn't bring himself to have vanilla with his coffee after she left, it reminded him too much of her. But now he's glad to taste it again. He swallows the liquid, before reminding himself of the matter that needs to be addressed.

"Donna," he starts, a serious look encompassing his face, "you should have told me. I've missed…so much."

She looks down as her face drops, "I know…but once I decided to keep it to myself, to let you be happy with her, the damage had been done. It didn't matter if I told you a month later, or a year, your life would have been turned upside down. And you would have hated me for keeping it from you to begin with. You were happy, I couldn't do it to you..."

His throat tightens and he feels the vein on his temple pulsating with blood.

"Was this the better outcome?" he snaps, "Would you have ever told me at all, had I not happen to find out by accident this week?"

She recoils slightly at his tone, "I don't know Harvey, I didn't exactly have a plan for if or when I was going to barge into your life and drop a kid on your lap."

"If," he repeats.

"What?" she responds, confused.

"You said if. Were you going to keep it from me forever?" he asks, stunned at her revelation.

"I don't know."

He stands up and starts pacing around the living room, unable to keep still anymore.

"I've missed so much," he repeats, "so many firsts, birthdays, everyday moments. It's so unfair."

She doesn't respond. There isn't anything she can say at that point that would make him feel any better about the situation. She had made her choice and she had her reasons for doing so. Just like he had made his. And they are now both facing the consequences of said choices.

"I want to be involved in her life," he states, turning to her. "I don't want to miss anymore."

She swallows, the dread she had felt earlier growing in her stomach.

"Harvey, you live in New York."

"We'll make it work. I can't go back to the way things were. She's my daughter for Christ's sake. You can't keep me out of her life any longer." His life has shifted completely on its axis. Suddenly everything held dear in his life; his career, apartment, cars, friends, New York, faded away. The one thing now that trumps it all is the little girl that had stolen his heart, playing in the room at the end of the hall.

Donna nods in understanding. "We'll make it work," she echoes his statement.

..

Harvey quietly closed the hotel door behind him and collapses back onto it, letting it bear all his weight. He slowly slides down, dropping to the floor in a heap. His head drops into his hands and he lets out a sob. He had only cried one other time in his adult life; when he found out his father had passed away. He didn't even cry when he and Paula decided to separate. But in this moment, he sobbed. He sobbed for the 3 years he missed of his daughter's life. For the years he spent with a woman who lied to him. And for the red head that he had lost almost four years ago.

He sat there for half an hour, letting go completely and allowing his emotions drive his physical response. After his tears ran dry, he slowly shakes the emotion that was fogging his mind and contemplates what he needs to do. And now he's going to do it. There were so many questions, so many variables, but one thing was clear. He was not letting Donna or Charlotte out of his life ever again.

..

Donna is in her kitchen that evening, making dinner, when she hears her phone chime. She picks it up and reads the text she just received.

 _Are you doing anything for Charlotte's birthday?_

\- _H_

Donna feels the corners of her lips raise ever so slightly. It was kind of cute how quickly he has become invested in her life.

 _I'm taking the day off. We're going to the park, and then dessert for dinner._

\- _D_

Charlotte's birthday was the only day out of the year that Donna allows her to have dessert for dinner. It started on her first birthday, when the little girl decided that all she would eat all evening was cake and completely refused any other form of food. Donna had decided to maintain the tradition and allowed the girl to have ice cream for dinner for her second birthday. This year, she was old enough to pick her own dessert option, and the girl had asked for pancakes at the 24-hour pancake parlour in town.

 _Can I join?_

\- _H_

Donna bit her lip. Charlotte's birthday had always been just the two of them. Sure, Jessica would always host a small party at her house as well, but Donna had always insisted that it just be the two of them on the actual day. She sighs; but now that Harvey is back in the picture, she has to let him in.

 _Sure. But don't you have to go back to NY?_

\- _D_

She stares at her screen, waiting for a response. She knows it won't take long. And she was right. Exactly 15 seconds later, she receives his response.

 _I'm the boss, I decide when I go to work._

\- _H_

She rolls her eyes. His ego is bigger than ever. Some things never change.

Little does she know, Harvey was texting her from the boarding gate of his flight back to New York. It was a split decision but he knew that this time, the choice was right. Because it felt right. Because this time both his brain and his heart is in consensus. He is moving to Chicago. And he's flying back home to start the process of relocating his life. Starting with his firm and announcing his successor on Monday morning.

..

On Sunday morning, Harvey calls an emergency meeting with the fellow name partner and his protégé, requesting that they meet at his penthouse apartment. The rounder man appeared at his door within half an hour. Despite their (almost) equal standing at their firm, Louis still had a touch of an inferiority complex and would come running as soon as Harvey calls. Mike arrived shortly after.

"Louis, Mike, thanks for meeting me in such short notice," the taller man starts.

"Of course Harvey, you sounded so serious. Did something happen at the deposition in Chicago?" Louis asks, concerned at the sudden request.

Harvey waved him off, any legal related work, he has always been able to handle.

"The deposition was fine, it's not about a case," he replies as he hands both of them a glass of water. "This is about the firm. And my place in it."

"Harvey, what's going on?" Mike presses.

"I've decided to move on, explore new horizons. In Chicago," he starts, looking Louis dead in the eye, "and I need you to take over the firm as managing partner."

Louis spits out the water he was sipping, spraying it across the room and lets out a bellowing laugh. "Is it April the first? That's funny Harvey, but I can't believe you called us all the way to your apartment to screw with me."

Harvey reaches up and wipes the combination of water and saliva off his face, trying not to wince.

"Louis, I would never joke about this," he continues, "this is happening, and I am going to announce it to the other partners tomorrow. Are you ready to step up?"

Mike and Louis look over at each other, matching stunned looks on their faces. He's serious. "Wait…" Louis stutters, "where is this coming from? How long have you been planning this? What has happened?" Louis has a thousand questions in his mind, and he cannot ask them fast enough.

Ignoring the line of questions for now, Harvey continued dropping his announcements, "And as two of the three names on the wall will no longer be actually working at the firm, I think it's time to put Mike's name up. Pearson Specter Ross & Litt."

Mike walks over to Harvey, face to face with the older man, inches away from his face and staring him deep into his eyes. "One eye is dilated more than the other," he announces, "he must be having a stroke, or maybe a brain bleed."

Harvey rolls his eyes and bats Mike away. "I'm not having a stroke, you idiot." He takes a deep sigh and continues. "Something happened in Chicago," Harvey explains, "I can't stay in New York anymore. It's a personal matter, there's nothing wrong with the firm or any clients or cases, rest assured. But I need to go, and I need you two to step up and take charge of the firm. I'll be in tomorrow to announce it in person, then I'll need the rest of the week off. But I'll be back next week and I'll make sure there is a proper transition process, don't worry. We can work out the finer details in the weeks. Do I have your support on this?"

Louis looks over in shock, taken aback by the sudden development of events but knowing this was his chance to make a difference. He had been striving for managing partner for years but knew he didn't have the support from the senior partners if Harvey was still around, the golden boy. The firm is his child, his baby. And if Harvey is tapping out, he's going to do all that he can to make sure it's well taken care of.

"You can count on me, Harvey." Louis stands up straight, ready to take on this new challenge head on.

Harvey smiles and pats his friend on the back. Both men turn to Mike, awaiting his response.

"Here's to the new managing partner of Pearson Spector Ross & Litt."

..

After a few hours at Harvey's apartment, Mike had made his way home. Harvey waited until Louis left before revealing to Mike the detail of how his life changed over the past 48 hours. Above all else, Mike mourned for his friend. He had realised pretty early on that Harvey's marriage was nothing like his own. He never looked at Paula the way that he himself looked at his wife. The glint in his eye had disappeared years ago and he watched as his boss's demeanour deteriorated with every false pregnancy test that Paula had taken.

Mike walks into his apartment and hears Rachel banging away in the kitchen. She has never been the most organised cook and the kitchen always looked like a bomb had gone off after she was done, but the food she produces is out of this world. He walks over and hugs her from behind, grateful for the life that he has. She turns around with a smile and gives him a peck.

"Hey, how was Harvey's?" she enquires, eager to hear what the emergency was, though she had a feeling it has something to do with what Donna had revealed to her a few days ago.

Mike sighs at the gravity of the situation, and how it was going to impact their lives.

"Harvey's resigning as managing partner, he's handing over the reigns to Louis," he starts, "and he's making me name partner."

"WHAT?" Rachel knew that things would change, but this was beyond even her imagination. "Why?"

Mike tilts his head, giving her a knowing look. "I think you know why." When he found out from Harvey that Rachel knew about the child all along, he was upset that his wife kept the secret from him this whole time. But he had set aside his personal issues to support Harvey in the moment.

Rachel bit her lip and nervously sits down at the kitchen table. "I'm sorry," Rachel starts, "It was something Donna had told me in confidence, and I couldn't betray her trust."

"And you couldn't trust me enough to tell me?" Mike replies, hurt at his wife's actions.

"Mike, Donna is my best friend. Harvey is yours. Can you honestly tell me that you wouldn't have gone to him and told him the second you found out?" she quips, "it wasn't my secret to tell. She needed me and I couldn't let her down."

"Of course I would have told him, he deserved to know," Mike replied, defending his friend.

"It wasn't my choice to make, I'm sorry," she apologises. "Can we please not let this come between us? Harvey and Donna have always been complicated and dramatic and for two brilliant people, they have a tendency to make the worst decisions when it comes to their personal lives. But we support them, no matter what."

Mike looks over at his wife, she has always been fiercely protective of her friends and her loyalty was second to none. He sighs and reaches over, bringing her into his body and holding her tight. It was one of the reasons why he loved her so much.

"I love you, you know that?" he whispers in her ear.

"I love you too," she replies, smiling into his embrace.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

The firm was in a frenzy Monday morning when the announcement was made. But Harvey had equipped Louis and Mike to handle the situation. He doesn't say it enough, but both had developed over the past few years, and they were ready to take on the new roles they have been assigned. He gives them both a manly hug, before jumping in the lift to exit the building. Ray is already waiting for him downstairs when he walks out onto the footpath. He had remained downstairs waiting after driving Harvey to the office that morning. Harvey's luggage was already in the trunk, as they made their way to the airport. He smiles to himself in the backseat and as he puts words to what he is doing.

 ** _I'm going to celebrate my daughter's birthday._**

..

Donna stirs from her sleep, noticing a limb weighing down her chest, preventing her from moving. She slowly opens her eyes and comes face to face with a miniature sized foot 2 inches from her face. Her daughter has always been quite independent and capable of sleeping in her own bed, but every now and again, she wakes up to find that that the toddler had snuck into her bed during the night. She smiles and slowly moves the leg off her body and places it on the mattress next to her. She looks down and observes her mini me, lightly snoring away, with her red hair sprawled everywhere. The past few years have flown by; she can't believe that her little one is turning 3 that day. Though sometimes, she feels like she's raising a 13-year-old.

Donna turns to her bedside table to check the time. 7.45am. She decides to let Charlotte sleep in a bit longer and quietly sits up, ready to start preparing for the day. Birthdays at in the Paulsen household are not extravagant, but full of cherished memories and traditions. Though this year, it will be different. This year, they will welcome a third person into their annual celebration.

Remembering said person, Donna turns and grabs her phone from her bedside to contact him. She's surprised he hasn't hounded her for the details yet.

 ** _Ok spoke to soon_** , she thinks to herself. He had already sent her 8 messages that morning, asking when he can drop by, what Charlotte's favourite food is, what her favourite colour is, when he can drop by (again)…

She decides to respond to relieve him from the suspense.

 _Hey Harvey, sorry just woke up. C is still sleeping. We're going to have a quiet breakfast, then head for the park at around 10am._

\- _D_

She hits send and places her phone back on the charger, before getting out of bed and slowly making her way to her bathroom. She's makes it exactly 5 steps before she hears her phone chime from his response. She spins round and returns to her phone, reading his response.

 _I'll meet you ladies at the park then. You never answered my question – what's her favourite colour? :)_

\- _H_

She smiles, and sends him the response. She has a feeling that the little girl will be in for a nice surprise this morning.

..

Donna decides to wake up her sleeping beauty at around 8.30am, giving them enough time to get ready and have breakfast without having to rush about. She pounces on the bed and showers her little girl with kisses and tickles, taking pleasure as the little girl's laughter and shrieks filling the room.

"Happy birthday my princess," she says, picking her daughter up and giving her a huge bear hug.

"Is it really my birthday?" the little girl squeals, still recovering from the tickle attack, "I've been waiting soooooo long for it."

Donna rolls her eyes in amusement. Charlotte wasn't even aware her birthday was coming up until she told her two days ago.

"Yes it is missy, which means we're going to the park and you can play for as longgggg as you want. And then we're going to the American Girl store and you can pick out a doll for your birthday."

The little girl beams up at her mother, excited for the day ahead. "So no day care today? Just you and me?"

Donna's face falls a bit. All this talk with Harvey about being in her daughter's life, she had forgotten to include the little girl's input in the process.

"Charlotte," she starts, "Harvey wants to join us for your birthday today. Is that OK with you?"

Donna holds her breath. She knew that Charlotte had taken to her father quickly over the past few days, however she wasn't sure if the girl was ready to see him again so soon. Donna watched as the girl scrunched up her nose, a tell-tale sign she was thinking about the situation at hand. But her face soon relaxed and the smile returned to her face.

"Yes," she nodded, "I like him, he can come."

Donna let out the breath she was holding. Despite her promise to let Harvey join, she knew that she would take it all back the moment Charlotte decided she wasn't comfortable with him there.

"Ok then, let's get you ready for your big birthday day, missy!"

..

The two redheads had just turned the corner onto the block where the park is located. It didn't take Donna long to see Harvey standing at the entrance. He was holding a dozen purple helium balloons, and a huge stuffed unicorn, with a purple mane and rainbow coloured wings. She feels the little girl beside her yanking at her hand as she sees him too and starts running towards him.

"Whoa, slow down Charlotte, we're almost there," she says in vain, before speeding up to keep up with the girl.

Harvey has a huge beaming grin on his face as he watches the girls approach and bends down to welcome the little girl running towards him.

"Hi beautiful," he greets, "happy birthday little one."

The little girl looks up in awe at the balloons suspended above her head and the huge unicorn that was the same size that she is.

"Wow, so pretty," she exclaims, with wonder in her eyes.

Harvey smiles at her reaction, before standing up and turning to the older red head.

"Thanks for allowing me to be part of her day," he says sincerely, before leaning over planting a kiss on her cheek and pulling her into a hug.

Donna gasps in surprise at the sudden sensation of his soft lips on her cheek. She returns his hug and mumbles a "no problem," before bending down to Charlotte, allowing her hair to fall across her face and shielding the blush she feels invading her cheeks.

"Aren't you a lucky girl," she whispers to her daughter, "don't forget to say thank you."

Obediently, Charlotte looks up with a charming smile and belts out a "Thank you!" before wrapping her arms around Harvey's legs and giving him a tight hug.

Donna chuckles at the sight. She's sure that Harvey had not thought out the logistics of his gifts.

"You do realise that you're going to have to carry it around all day?" she quips, "The unicorn is bigger than she is and I'm pretty sure the balloons will lift her away if you hand them to her."

He gives her a shrug before replying, "I'll do whatever she needs me to."

Donna nods, her heart skipping a beat at his response. She had never seen him look as ridiculous as he does in that moment, but at the same time, he has never looked better. She had always gotten hot and bothered when she watched him dominate a room in his tailored Tom Ford suits. But what she sees in front of her in the moment, in a pair of jeans and a casual button up shirt, and the absurd unicorn and balloons, has triggered something in the pit of her stomach. A feeling that she hasn't felt in years.

"What are you smiling at, red?" he asks, breaking her from her trance. She realises that she had been staring at him with a goofy smile painted across her face.

She shakes her head, "Let's go, the play equipment is just over there. She can spend a whole day there if we let her," Donna states, changing the subject as she grabbed Charlotte's hand and leads them into the park.

He smirks at her flustered response, before following the girls close behind.

They take a seat on the bench as the little girl bolts into the playground. Harvey ties the balloons to the arm rest and plops the unicorn on the seat beside him.

They sit in silence for moment, watching the birthday girl weave through the play equipment energetically. Being a Tuesday morning, it was relatively empty, with most children being in school or day care.

"Rachel called me yesterday," Donna interrupts the silence, "she said that you went home for the weekend?"

"I did," he responds, "did she tell you why I was there?"

"Nope, she said I'll find out from you." Donna turns to face him, curious to hear the rest.

He continues to watch Charlotte with a smile on his face. **_It's all worth it_** _._

"I stepped down as managing partner," he starts, "and I'm moving here."

Donna sucks in a breath in shock. The firm was Harvey's whole world. It was what he had worked towards his whole adult life. He had fought tooth and nail for it over the years. And he's just...letting it go?

"Harvey…are you sure? You can't just let it go just like that…" she tries to reason.

"I can work anywhere, Donna, but there is only one of this…" he explains, nodding towards the laughing girl as she shoots down the slide, her fiery hair flying behind her, "and I'll go wherever she is."

He pauses, before he turns to her and looks at her with his soft brown eyes. "And I want to be there for you. You've done an incredible job raising her by yourself, but you don't have to do this alone anymore."

She nods in response and swallows the lump that forms in her throat. He reaches over and cups her cheek in his hand, before leaning over and lightly presses his lips on her forehead. It was brief and soft but the moment it happened, she felt a weight lifted off her shoulders. The burden of her secret, and of raising her daughter alone, evaporated into thin air. She felt enveloped by the comfort and safety of his presence. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders as she melted into his embrace and rested her head on his shoulder. They sat frozen in that position for hours as they watched their daughter play.

..

Donna quietly unlocked her front door and slowly pushed it open. She gingerly stepped in and held the door wide for the man behind her, who was carrying a happy but exhausted 3-year-old. The excitement of the day had caught up with Charlotte as she was finishing off her pancakes and passed out at the table. Her head was resting in the crook of Harvey's neck, her hair tickling his chin, as he carried her down the hall and into her room, placing her gently onto her bed. He brushed the hair from the little girl's face and stared at her for a moment, with a content look on his face. This is how he wants all his days to end.

Donna leans against the bedroom door, taking in the sight in front of her. With a soft smile on her face, she silently enters the room to say goodnight to her daughter, leaning past him to give her a kiss on the forehead and tucking her under her covers. The two adults give each other a satisfied look, both humbled by the perfect little girl in their lives.

She tilts her head toward the door, signalling for them to let the girl sleep in peace, before they silently leave the room, closing the door behind them.

"Did you want a coffee?" she asks as they walk down the hall, "or some scotch?" she adds, a smirk on her face.

"I think you know the answer to that," he replies, as they enter her living room.

She nods in understanding, whipping out the glasses and the bottle of amber liquid from the top cabinet in the kitchen and pours them both a glass.

"Thanks for including me today," he starts, "it was a special day."

She turns around, handing in a glass, before settling down on the couch beside him.

"She loved sharing the day with you Harvey. Though now you've really set a high standard for birthday gifts. She's going to expect half the American Girl store every time there's a holiday now," she chuckles. Harvey had insisted that he bought her every outfit option there was for the doll she picked out. The doll almost has as many outfits has Donna has herself in her closet.

"She's a great kid, she deserves it," he smiles, before bringing the glass to his lips.

"And what about you," he continues.

She cocks her head and gives him a look. "What about me?"

"How did you feel having me around," he asks, before taking another sip. His heart pounds heavily in his chest, eager but at the same time anxious for her response.

She pauses for a second, trying to put words to how she felt that day.

"It has been just the two of us for so long," she starts, gazing at him over her glass, "it was nice to have someone to share the moments with. It was…nice to have you around."

He raises an eyebrow in her direction. "Just nice?" he quips, "way to stroke my ego."

She rolls her eyes and gives him a smirk. "Don't push it buddy. And like your ego ever needed stroking by anyone else anyway."

He chuckles and shakes his head. He missed this. He missed the years that they had spent back in New York, just being comfortable in each other's company. Joking, bantering, flirting. It was as though he was being brought back to life; resurrected after years of being stuck in a coma.

They quickly slip back into old habits and catch each other up on the last couple of years. Donna tells him stories of Charlotte and her milestones. And Harvey catches her up on the office gossip, including Louis's latest shenanigans.

Before long, the two are finishing off the bottle of scotch and both are definitely feeling the effects of the alcohol running through their veins.

Donna downs the last drop of the amber liquid in her glass. **_Liquid courage_** _,_ she thinks to herself. She closes her eyes and whispers the question that has been on her mind for days.

"Harvey…" she hesitates, "when you said you chose family…why didn't you think of me?"

She holds her breath, waiting nervously for a response. She waits for what feels like an eternity, until she finally hears it. Soft snores invading the silence in the room. She opens her eyes and turns to see Harvey passed out on her couch, mouth slightly open as scotch tainted breath wafts through the air.

A sad smile appears on her face. She grabs the throw from the end of the couch and lightly drapes it over his body. Hesitating for a moment, her fingers freeze an inch from his head, but she continues and runs her fingers through his soft hair. She then leans down and gently presses her lips against his forehead, as she had done with her daughter a few hours prior. As she reaches over to turn off the light and retire to her bedroom, a small smile appears on his face as he sleeps.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Thanks to everyone for their patience! Work has been hectic but it's been nice to have some time to update this over the weekend.

Chapter 12

Harvey stirs in his sleep, letting out a yawn, before stretching out his limbs. Confusion clouds his semi-conscious mind as his arms hit the back of a couch, instead of the expansive king sized bed he's used to. He squints open his eyes to view his surroundings, before being startled by a pair of brown eyes, not dissimilar his own, staring at him barely a foot away from his face.

"Why you sleep on our couch?" the confused red head asked, "where's your home?" No one had ever slept over at their apartment before, let alone on the couch. The newly turned 3-year-old stands there with her arms crossed, waiting for an answer. She is already dressed, with her hair up in a little bun.

Harvey rubs his eyes before slowly sitting up, trying to stretch out the kinks in his back. He does not handle a night on the couch as well as he did in his youth.

"I was so tired from your birthday yesterday, I fell asleep!" he exclaims, reaching over and tapping her on the nose, giving her a tired smile. She crinkles her nose, before shrugging, accepting his answer.

At that moment, Donna walks into the room, also dressed for the day in a navy blue, knee length work dress.

"Morning sleepy head," she says, as she strides past the two and into the kitchen. "It's about time you decided to us in the land of the living."

The little girl turns away and follows her mom into the kitchen stomach grumbling and ready for breakfast.

"Have your cereal quickly Charlotte, we're leaving soon," Donna says as she places the bowl on the dining table in front of little girl.

Harvey watches the two from the living room. The simpleness and ordinariness of their morning routine brings a smile to his face. He was so used to getting ready in silence and having breakfast alone. Even when he was with Paula, their routines were never aligned. She rarely saw any patients before 10am so she always woke up and started her day long after Harvey would leave for the office.

"Did you want a coffee, Harvey? Or some food?" Donna chimes from the kitchen, "We have cereal...or cereal."

He chuckles and gets up off the couch, making his way towards the girls. "I'll have a coffee, thanks. Then I'll get a move on and be out of your hair."

She nods and hands him the cup she had just made. "We're leaving in 20 minutes, let's go together. Where's your hotel?"

"It's quite close to your office, just a block over," he responds, sipping his coffee.

"Great, we can share a cab," she says, taking a seat opposite him, nursing her own cup. They sit in silent comfort, staring at each other whilst sipping their coffees. Both were pleased at the new normal they had established between the three of them. It had only been 24 hours, however it felt like they have settled into a dynamic that has been in place for years.

"So, what's your plan for the day?" she asks, breaking the silence.

"I'm meeting with a real estate agent today. He's showing me some apartments in the area," he smiles, looking forward to taking the next step to cementing his move to Chicago. He pauses for a moment before broaching his next question.

"Donna…" he starts.

"Mmhmm?" she urges him to continue.

"I've been thinking about what I'm going to do about work here, and I am considering reaching out to Jessica for a partnership position here," he hesitates for second, "would you be alright with that?" He knows that his reappearance in her life has been unexpected and is concerned that working in the same office together may be overkill.

She looks at him and bites her lip, contemplating the situation. For a good chunk of her adult life, she saw him almost every day, for 15 hours a day. And then overnight, he was ripped from life. It went from 100 to zero. And now he's asking to dial it back up to 100. They never did do anything half arsed, she smiles to herself.

"I think the firm would be lucky to have you," she responds, "just don't expect me to return to your desk." She smirks, teasing him.

He lets out a sigh of relief and flashes her his signature smile. "Thanks Donna, I know it's a huge change in your lives having me around. I appreciate it."

She nods in understanding, before starting to clear the table and preparing to leave.

As the three left the apartment block and climbed into a cab together, to any outsider, they seemed like any other ordinary family. And unbeknownst to each other, both Harvey and Donna secretly pretended that they were too.

..

 ** _Two days later_**

Donna is at her desk, concentrating on the restructuring plan she has been working on for weeks. The firm has seen steady growth over the past few years, which has kept her extremely busy, keeping up with the changes and the inevitable organisational expansions. For a girl from the suburbs with a degree in theatre, she really has come a long way.

She's chewing the tip of her pen when she hears the familiar tapping on her glass door. She looks up and sees Harvey leaning into her office, dressed in one of his tailored Tom Ford suits that she has missed so much over the years. She smiles, inviting him in.

"Hey, hope I'm not interrupting," he smiles as he takes a few steps in.

"Not at all, what can I do for you Harvey?"

He takes a seat across from her desk and leans back, relaxing in the chair. He feels at home in her presence.

"I just had a meeting with Jessica, it's going ahead. I'll start here officially as a senior partner in six weeks," he flashes her a huge grin, "that'll give me enough time to do a full handover to Louis in New York."

She gives him a tight smile. She knows how much his career means to him and the impact his move to Chicago will have on it. He's taking two steps backwards from managing and name partner in New York, to just another Senior Partner here? Before she could voice her thoughts, he pre-empts her question, as though reading her mind.

"I'll make name partner here eventually," he continues, exuding confidence, "I just need to make a name for myself in the market here. Chicago has been deprived of Harvey Specter for too long."

She rolls her eyes and smiles to herself. She should have known better than be concerned about his career, he's capable of excelling in whatever he sets his mind to.

"So, when's your flight to New York?" she asks, changing the subject.

"First thing tomorrow morning," he starts, "and I was hoping if we could have dinner tonight before I go. Just the three of us. If you don't have any other plans that is."

"Sure thing, got a place in mind?" she asks.

"My place."

After leaving Donna's apartment two days prior, he had spent the day inspecting apartments in the neighbourhood. Money was obviously not an issue for Harvey. He had saved up enough money over his career to ensure he'll live comfortably for many years to come. And he will continue to receive a profit share at PSL even though he won't work there anymore. Or is it called PSRL now? After the fifth apartment he inspected, he had found the perfect three-bedroom condo with a study, on the 40th floor of a secure block with sweeping views of the city. Additionally, it is only a few blocks away from Donna's which would make it easy for him to visit his daughter. And her mother. He had signed the lease and got the keys on the spot.

She watches as he slowly places his hand, palm down on her glass desk. She hears a clink as his hand meets the surface. He stares at her, watching her reaction, as he lifts his hand, revealing the silver key, glistening on the desk between them.

She stares at the inanimate object. They had really done a full 360. As though they had gone back 5 years, before Paula, before Chicago, when their lives were completely intertwined. The key that she had to his apartment in New York; she had rarely used, but it was a symbolic representation of the relationship they had. One of complete trust and reliance. The day she returned it was a turning point in their relationship and frankly, everything went downhill from there.

Harvey waits for her response. He wants everything that they had before. And this is his way of making the proposition.

She slowly reaches over and picks up the key, looking up to meet him in the eyes.

She accepts.

..

Donna stands outside the wooden door, her mini me by her side, as she fiddles with the key in her hand. She isn't sure whether she should knock or use the key to enter into the apartment.

"Mama, what we waiting for?" the little girl asks, looking up at her mother. They had been standing there for a few minutes now and the little girl was getting impatient.

Donna clears her throat and makes the decision to slide the key into the lock, turning it slowly and opening the door. As the two of them gingerly steps inside, she hears familiar jazz music radiating softly from inside the apartment.

"Hello?" she announces as she takes a few more steps in, turning the corner into the main living area.

The entire apartment is completely furniture free, unsurprising as he had just got the apartment that week. However, in the middle of the living room, was a picnic blanket with three cushions and enough takeaway containers to feed a small army. At that moment, Harvey walks into the room from the balcony.

"Hey ladies, hope you're hungry," he says, signalling towards the food in the middle of the room. He smiles to himself, glad that she felt comfortable enough to let herself into the apartment.

The little girl lets go of her mother's hand and runs towards the man, colliding against his legs and wrapping her chubby arms around him.

"Harveyyy!" she greets him.

He reaches down and picks her up, returning her embrace as she wraps her arms around his neck and rests her head in his neck.

Charlotte had been talking non-stop about Harvey over the past couple of days, constantly asking Donna when they were going to see him again. The child didn't have any significant male figures in her life. Being a bright and observant child, she had realised early on that there was something missing in her life, something all the other kids seemed to have. So she was ecstatic when Harvey joined for her birthday, a picture that finally mirrored the lives of the other kids she knew.

Donna smiled at the girl's enthusiasm before walking over towards the culinary set up on the living room floor.

"How many people did you invite over Harvey?" she jokes, "I didn't know you know this many people in Chicago."

He gives her a look over the fiery locks tickling his face and responds, "I wasn't sure what you girls felt like tonight, so I got a bit of everything." He slowly lets Charlotte down who runs towards the food and takes a seat on one of the cushions.

He makes his way over to Donna and pulls her into a hug, breathing in her scent.

"Thanks for coming."

She nods and sinks into his embrace, smiling to herself. She could get used to this.

The trio digs into the schizophrenic meal of sushi, Mexican, Thai, Italian and Chinese, each choosing a different cuisine. He's glad he offered so many options.

They eat together comfortably, with Charlotte devouring her nachos; guacamole smeared all over her face. The adults chuckle at the little girl's green cheeks, before Donna wipes the girl's face when she finishes her meal, and excuses her to play on the balcony.

"So what are your plans for the next six weeks?" she asks, "will you be in New York the whole time?" She doesn't look his way, deciding to focus her eyes on her sushi, trying to make the question seem nonchalant.

The corners of his mouth twitch up slightly. Despite her demeanour, he can tell that she's interested in knowing if he's going to visit over the next month and a half.

"I don't know yet," he responds honestly, "there's so much to wrap up over the next six weeks, transitioning all my clients and handing the firm over to Louis…making sure he's well equipped so he doesn't screw things up. I'll have all my furniture shipped over as well and put my apartment on the market."

She nods as she continues with her sushi.

"Well let me know where I can help here. With the apartment and everything."

He reaches over and places his hand on hers. "Thanks Donna."

She shudders slightly in response to the sudden contact.

It has been a bit over a week since he's waltzed back into her life. She has managed perfectly fine on her own for the past 4 years, but suddenly she's dreading the next six weeks without him.

Years ago, she had convinced herself that she's over him. He was out of her life, married to another woman. She had forced herself to admit that she was never going to see him again and made sure that she suppressed any feelings that she had for him. The past week had blown that all out of the water and despite her best efforts to keep everything under wraps, those feels have slowly leaked out of corner of her heart where she had banished them.

She slowly raises her eyes, meeting his eyes as he stares back into hers. She bites her lip and draws on the courage to raise the question she asked him a few days ago. The question had been eating at her for days, and she couldn't wait another six weeks for an answer.

"Harvey," she starts, "when you said you chose family, why did that mean Paula?"

He furrows his brow and gives her a confused look. "What do you mean?"

She swallows. "Why did she mean family to you?" she pauses for a moment, "did you ever consider…anyone else?"

He looks down, almost defeated. "She was the only one who willing to go all the way with me, she was the first long term relationship I had in…I don't even know how long. She was my only shot at having a family."

He continues to look down until he hears the undeniable sound of a sniffle. His eyes instantly dart up at the sound. Donna stares back at him with tears rolling down her face.

"Hey," he instinctively reaches over and wipe his thumbs over her cheek, "what's wrong?"

"Why did you never consider me?"

Harvey feels like he's been punched in the stomach at her question. **Of course he had.**

"Donna…you said," he hesitates, "… you said you didn't feel anything. That you didn't want more…"

She shakes as she breathes through her tears, "I know what I said…you were so angry at me for kissing you while you were with Paula…so I lied. But of course I felt something. And I did want more. I wanted everything. But you wanted everything…with her"

He feels his heart rip in two. His hand shakes on her cheek as his closes his eyes. He struggles to breathe as he processes what she has just revealed. They're both idiots. So scared to be honest with each other, to risk jeopardising their relationships, that they got exactly what they had feared. They lost each other.

He opens his tear soaked eyes and the two of them finally see the truth in each others eyes.

"I want everything. With you," he whispers, "I wanted it then, and I want it now."

She chokes out a sob and reaches her hand over behind his neck and pulls him towards her. Tear soaked lips crash together for the first time in years as they savour each other. Both hungrily devoured each other, as though they've been drowning and this was their first breath of fresh air. His hands run through her soft locks as he pulls her in closer, not paying attention to the takeout containers they were knocking over in the process.

"Mama?" a little voice interrupts their moment.

The two pull apart, wiping away their tears as they turn to the owner of the voice.

"Hey princess, did you see a lot on the balcony?" Donna asks, trying to steer the topic of the conversation.

"What were you doing?" the little girl quips, ignoring her mother's question, "and why are you crying?"

Donna gives a side glance to Harvey. Nothing gets past their little genius.

"I'm just sad that Harvey has to go back to New York for a while. But he'll be back soon and then we'll see him all the time," Donna explains, a smile on her face. He has a matching smile on his face as his hand rubs small circles on the small of her back as she speaks.

The little girl frowns, turning to Harvey, "do you haveeee to go?" She gives him a little pout, pulling out her god given charm to try convince him to stay.

"I have to go for a little bit, pumpkin, but I'll be back before you know it," he reassures the little girl.

The little girl sighs dramatically, "OK," before turning to explore the rest of the condo.

Donna has a giggle at their little drama queen, before turning to Harvey with a thoughtful look on her face.

"So…where do we go from here?" he asks.

"Let's…take it slow," she replies, "I want to do this properly. We can't screw it up. For Charlotte."

He nods in understanding. "For Charlotte." He intertwines his fingers through hers and picks up her hand, giving it a kiss as he stares into her eyes.

"I'll miss you," he says, as he lowers her hand.

"Me too."


End file.
